the small flicker in the night

Red.

2009-03-11T04:22:00.000-07:00

my head burns every evening.

i cannot seem to adapt to the cold-then-hot-then-cold environment,

needless to say OTs, and the matrix of Excel sheets.

Seeking rest.

waiting for it.

Moving on.

2009-03-07T22:05:00.000-08:00

isn't life much of a headache when opposites collide?

in a land of vast space, they long for closeness.
in a tiny island of ours, they wish for nothing but space.

in a place with few inhabitants, they desire intimacy,
in a densely populated crowd, distance is all that matters.

some long for company,
while some are already full of it.

some don't want to be alone everyday,
while some are just dying to have a day off on their own.

some people just can't stop putting you down,
when they're given the chance to do it in a tactful way.

some people are just numb to the nay-says of life,
just wondering to themselves why they're so blind to their own flaws.

some are angry, sad, and dissatisfied with the person for who he is now,
always wanting more, wanting to make it better.

some only realise that that one person is already so good so special,
but only too late, when he's lost, and surrounded by blocks of wood and stone.

some people see bad happenings as an opportunity for the better future,
to improve to repair and to fortify.

but some see it as an ending,
a closure, a resignation to fate that it's just meant to be that way forever.

endless comparisons, differing perspectives,
about life, about love.

is one always right all the time? why some have a predominant factor in their way of thinking?
when it comes to the grey areas of life, there's always bound to be a loser.

we are all so different, yet the same.

you never know how great it is to feel until you know numbness.

you never know how great warmth is until you've felt sub-zero chill.

you never know how great friends are, until you've lost them all.

you never know how glorious day is, until you've seen the darkest of nights.

you never know how good it feels to be your loved one,
until you're left with nothing but memories.

when life seems to bog you down everyday,

take a look behind, not at the unhappy times,

but the happy, enjoyable, unforgettable moments.

soak yourself, immerse deep into it once again,

open up your eyes, and tell yourself "life's been great."

you may not be going through bright times now,
but you made them happen before.

you may not have a smile on your face now,
but you have painted them gleefully on the faces of others.

you may not feel loved now,
but you have tasted it before, and shared it, seeing it grow.

you may not feel strong now,
but you know you've been so before, and you can do it again.

what does it mean to move on?

what are your views about this?

what is your meaning of it?

what if you have no answer to this question?

one can't relive the past anymore i suppose.

there's only so much one can do, i suppose.

but anyway, i don't really care because i can't and don't know how to.

life, had been great. period.

no matter what the future beholds,

just "move on".

Twist of Fate.

2009-02-21T08:43:00.000-08:00

that one saturday sure was eventful.

i didn't know why sparks of fury had ignited, which i never intended for,

but yet without it i wouldn't have met him.

it definitely had been a once in a lifetime adventure with Dmitri, and Terrence too.

all the food, walking, gift-giving, and of course, his funny faces.

as fun as it had been, so had those days been stressful.

i had two papers to settle, one of which i just started studying for at midnight, hours before the paper.

as fun as it had been, so has it brought much sorrow.

i don't really want to elaborate,

but i've got no time and no strength to lose thinking about it.

settle the last two papers, and that's it.

and oh yes, Europe here i come. someday, that is.

a fresh headstart.. where do i begin..

Fight for what you love. Strive for what you want. Don't cling onto people if you can't commit. If you really love that person... then do what's best for him/her. - local poet. very true indeed.

Eclipse.

2009-02-18T22:40:00.000-08:00

nothingness was bad enough.

scarring back the hands that loved you is too much.

there is only one me, one facade,

you know that.

i love you so much to even pose a negative judgement about you,

which, at this stage, has already never ever crossed my mind.

i still care, even though you're so far away;

why would i even bother speaking evil of you?

i gave you my blessings,

my possessions,

my every form of permitted expression, of my affection,

my prayers, everyday,

for you to better seek your best interest from above,

and not for me to be misunderstood.

Surely there are guidelines to how relationships should work out,

but as it is stated above, it may not happen all the time to everybody.

i didn't choose to care in a way that is more of a friend yet less of a lover.

because of who i am, i'm just a different hybrid altogether.

even so, some think it's perfectly normal.

i'm not here to debate on how relationships are to be like;

i doubt the chances of renewal will sprig forth from the dead, or dying.

the truth of the matter is, it ain't only your spouse who needs to know the truth of your life.

your heart, your emotion, your thoughts, your dreams, you.

the truth of you is required when you reach out to the lost, in the form of a testimony.

the truth of you is required when you try to help someone, in the form of life experiences and realistic encouragements.

the truth of you is required when you preach the gospel to the world, revealing the reality of God and the light that is reflected from you.

the truth of you is required to keep a relationship alive, for nobody lives in the past, and sees nothing in the future if one does not know the present you.

the lack of truth in times of need will stumble many, for His people are destroyed from this void.

truth is eternal, complete, and brings life and light.

likewise, without it, anything is left as a temporal, dead residue in the midst of darkness.

to love, is to live in truth.

because love is truth.

like precious diamonds and the purest of gold, may you pursue truth,

cherish, grab hold of it, and not let go.

it's a weird world.

eclipses don't usually happen, but they still do.

Table for One.

2009-02-05T09:02:00.000-08:00

it's been so long since we've talked.

face to face, over a restaurant table, or anything of the similar sort,

nice cosy ambience, pretty good food,

enjoyed your presence, i've always did.

talking about issues of life, of the heart,

of the past, present and future,

we knew each other well.

it was a good balance; neither side was over-familiar nor clueless about each other.

days, weeks, months and years passed.

an empty seat always daunts right in front of me as i stop and stare.

a reservation for two, usually left for one,

time goes so much slower, painstakingly breathless.

seated by the window, along the shopping aisle,

people walk pass; they come and they go.

i'm glad that life is going on an upslope for you,

with new friends, brothers, and a better knitted family,

who cares for you, and possibly understands you better.

how you want your social life, how you manage it, it is your prerogative,

unless you ask for an opinion, i'd say no one can do anything to change it.

i close my eyes, shut from this world,

i see myself, and i say "maybe it's just better that way."

many things resign to history,

but yet my conviction to you, will stand for eternity.

people question if such a will could really last,

but i believe that my heart has already died to seal this covenant back then.

nothing will change my love for you,

not even the warmth that i long to give as well.

go, and live your life a happy man,

taking into consideration of relationships as a whole, above the rights which you once had.

you're a child of God; a servant who esteems others above oneself, careful with words, and an open lamp to all.

yet again, this calling is to be lived out with a matter of choice at hand.

may the truth abide in you, and you in it.

whenever you need me, i'll be there.

a promise that i've made,

and i'll never take back.

no matter how small and unworthy to be with you, i'll do whatever i can,

to be your best friend.

Re-union.

2009-01-25T04:29:00.000-08:00

missed calls, flooded text messages in my phone.

mum wants me to go to dad's place for reunion dinner.

yeah. just the "whole" family again, with my grandmother. no one else.

the food was the same.

the atmosphere was the same.

the way i felt was just about the same.

i don't understand his actions.

i don't understand why he approached me, and attempted to embrace me.

i don't understand why does it feel just as cold as it was when i was 12.

though both are people, living and normal, all i felt was nothingness.

8 years since i touched him that way, and yet it feels as cold as ever.

why did he do that, when my heart is already dead to him?

i don't know what to do.

what does he want?

my heart is numbed, and yet i feel tears well up my eyes.

what do i do..

The New.

2009-01-21T20:26:00.000-08:00

this is the 70th post i've made already; didn't know that i actually blog so much.

but i suppose it's gonna stop here.

doing away with the old, and creating the new.

bye

Snowflake.

2008-12-18T07:10:00.000-08:00

i don't usually have someone who catches me when i fall.

many may pity, sympathize, feel sorry, but walk past,

some others come only when the damage has taken brutal and substantial hit off me,

but it all doesn't matter.

doesn't matter at all.

as i fall, i will get up.

sometimes, it is only the times when you really hit rock bottom,

when your life comes crashing down,

that you realise what you really need is not what you can find from this world,

but from within.

the courage to say that you're alright on your own.

the courage to let go.

the courage to release the demand for justice.

the courage to carry on despite the trough.

the courage to say it's okay when you're down low and everyone else's sky high.

the courage to say that you matter from the beginning of your existence.

the courage to believe in a dream to come true.

the courage to love.

why courage?

it is the strength, the faith despite the fear, reality of the now.

ultimately, it's between you, and God. not them, anyway.

no matter how insignificant a snowflake may be, it will always be unique, for no exact same design is ever replicated naturally.

A Lil Too Not Over You.

2008-12-05T18:35:00.000-08:00

Night's surge of thoughts and memories kept me restless and awake everytime i lay on my bed.

Day's radiance drained my life as it kept me looking up at the sun, looking back at those days.. those wonderful memories..

Living in a daydream, struggling in a nightmare.

it took a long time to figure out, and it needed someone to phrase in its exact way, to understand this simple truth.

that the reason was not the situations, nor the actions, but me. who i really am.

fire is never meant for water.

prey is never meant for a predator.

white is never meant for black.

light is never meant for darkness.

inasmuch thoughts of madness and nonsensical logics i've cleared from my mind, my heart is still burning.

burning with a persistence that is pressing against my head,

saying "yes" while my head says "no",

thinking about memories and dreams while i'm being relentlessly reminded about reality.

truth hits so hard, an invincible blade that is immune to my retaliations of denial and flames of acceptance.

why can't i just get it in this time?

like how i'd been able too?

lost, can't seem to find a way out.

numb, from the grave chill.

untouchable, the gap of indifference brings.

the curse of the silent never negated,

a yearning for a rest on dependence unfulfilled,

unbearable pain standing on my own two feet continuously.

resolutions stand like judges in front of me,

whispering to me to go on,

even when sight is lost,

even when hopes are dashed,

even when faith fades,

when my spirit dies.

waiting for a conversation,

not to spill my sorrows, neither to blame,

but to share a wish,

a wish that i can only share with you.

while the awaiting future doesn't really matter for now,

gotta do what i must one at a time.

Bleak.

2008-11-23T18:16:00.000-08:00

Entrepreneurship Selection, fail.

Dota Challenge, fail.

Everything else, as good as dead.

there's nothing more that i want, or that i can say.

as if you'd take heed, as if you'd care.

If we are empowered by our dear God to love, filled to the brim with His love so we can empty, give it to the ones around us,

then why do you even have to try so hard?

maybe you're right. it could be just me, too complicated, too hard to comprehend, enigmatic, warped way of thinking.

is that a mistake, that God made something out of nothing deep inside of me?

a passion that grew for someone from the fire for God and evangelism that is mistaken?

nah can't be bothered.

why type so much on a blog entry?

As bleak as life can be right now,

i'll find my own way.

Possibility.

2008-11-12T22:55:00.000-08:00

time is always on the constant run.

but my life is somehow coming to a halt from the increasing weight.

looks like the DotA competition really is gonna flop again this year. sigh.

i've checked out the registration for Garena's Singapore Tournament, and it barely had two teams registered.

my poster ain't even done up. well no one to blame but me. just me.

i can't even think of a name for a clan if we're ever gonna have one.

i want to have one.

i thank God for DotA, for one major reason: it brought my friends together just when i thought they're all gone.

and somehow this is the dream that i wish to have, and a pretty convenient one too. being there without really being there, and making it big in the competitive gaming world.

can this really happen?

i went for the Entrepreneurship Concentration selection interview, alone yesterday.

looks like the chances of being selected will be high, looking at the poor response rate.

many who were interested turned away to Business Development Project, not wanting to risk their future on something so volatile, so dangerous, so much more demanding of you.

but it's what i wanna do. it's what i've always wanted to do.

it's the thing that can change my life, my family from the moment of its breakthrough.

inspired and inspired again and again.

but can i really do this?

can i really do all this?

is it gonna be just me? even if so, can one man, just one man alone make the defining cut?

thinking. and thinking.

the wait for next wednesday begins.

Darkterror.

2008-11-08T19:09:00.000-08:00

Another nightmare.

all i saw was hatred, bitterness, anger, the loss of everything beautiful.

the cold and icy environment.

all i see are tears, if not rage on the looks of their faces.

Dear God, won't you lend me your shoulders just this once?

to hide under the shelter of your wings,

away from the terror of the night.

if it's ever impossible,

won't you send someone, a pair of shoulders you could borrow...

Iron.

2008-11-06T21:40:00.000-08:00

stuck in between once again eh?

between a couple and their affairs.

between sickness and covering up for someone else's shift.

between the things that i need to do to the things that i have to do right there and then.

between two opposing deviations that came from one original source.

somehow i just can't help but to feel how horrible life is.

had someone else's wrong choices influenced me to do the same?

what i had perceived as right doesn't appear this way now, more than ever as time phases by.

i want to lead a simple, happy life; my close friends and i, carefree up above the sky.

sadly it's just a daydream.

life really can be as complicated as it can get.

LeNoir is now a Night Stalker - he slumbers in the day, in lectures and tutorials; no one cares about the Night Stalker in the day.

He is well awake and empowered when night falls. Farming on teacups and saucers for gold, and then crushing noobs in the virtual world.

just some ranting from a DotA fanatic. sounds weird i know..

i just wish my teddy bear can come alive and talk to me sometimes.. it's tiring and boring to talk for him.

iron. strength. that's what i need now.

not irony.

Impression.

2008-10-03T02:54:00.000-07:00

I'm hoping for a better day, that i'll never leave a wrong first impression ever again.

out for a weird dinner.

bye.

-----
*Many hours later*

dinner hadn't been too bad i suppose.. the great tasting gelato made up for the bland soba haha..

yet again everyone spent a bomb (i spent a bomb for this week already. damn)

there's only so much and so far individual curiosity could go..

the rest, it's best to be left for time, and the actual person to tell..

if not, it's best unsaid.

i'm not protecting any personal secrets. ask what you want. but only about me.

i've secrets belonging to others to protect.

Heart-cuffed.

2008-09-24T13:42:00.000-07:00

I'm a contradiction, just like everyone else.

i dare to be bold to say, simply because i'm a victim of love just like you.

the people in whom are involved may be different for each and everyone of us, together with personalities and perspectives, but one thing we can all see in unison - love hurts.

to fend off hurts and pain with one's life; to shed blood, sweat and tears to protect you; to give you all of one's heart, together with everything else to support you. the meaning of the chinese character for love.

even if things will never work out between us.
even if it requires inconvenience and sacrifice from me.
even if everything that i've done is useless or insignificant.
even if there is no supposed "mutual chemistry".
even if we're to be just normal friends forever.
even if it's not worth any bit of me.

i'll not regret loving you.

but even if you'd know how much i really mean when i actually say this, what use is there?

it's not as though you're gonna do something about it. even if you can't it's ok. one cannot love to order.

the need to keep to all that i've said, is somewhat killing me.

the hurt exacerbates when i have to deny myself, impossible dreams and wishful hopes.

the hurt exacerbates whenever i'd have to be strong for you to depend on.

the hurt exacerbates when i have to wish the best for you, when it's the end for me.

love is asking whether you want or you do not want.
love is asking whether you're willing or not.
simple as that.
if ever for a moment you think that someone is not worth your love, think again.
cuz i ain't any worth it either.

a mutual want and will. keep it simple, to keep it alive.

take care, pal.
an honour to be yours too.

Phase Shift.

2008-09-03T05:14:00.000-07:00

It's been so long, since we've caught up..

But these few days, have been somehow, inexplicably great, despite the exhaustion.

i felt open, and happy too.. i guess i've missed this part of me for a really long time. hope it's the same for you.

As i was with you, memories flooded my mind, slide by slide, piece by piece.. the times we had together back then.

but i know that things are different now.. i'm glad that you're alright and well taken care of, of course. Killed worry and grudges too. i guess things tend to complicate and mess up when there hadn't been communication.

Thanks. for everything. i'm saying this, because of the time you gave. very few, if not none, would accompany a friend like you did for me. i roughly could see your love language too. sigh. this, i wonder, why it took me so long to see.. yet again, somehow one becomes more alert and sensitive to the quiet and the discreet when he has no love to begin with.

the pain, somehow soothed out, and faded away. the joy and excitement in our friendship, that i thought was lost, came back again.

yet, staying at this phase, could be slightly discomforting.

deep inside i yearn to embrace you tight in my arms, and i in yours, but i was afraid.

maybe this distance is a good, the better way for you and me to be? though i'm not sure, i just wanna let you know that my shoulders are open for you always, whenever life gets too tough, whenever you need to rest.

*3 days later*

Sorry i'm taking too long to post this -_-

hmm.. it can be hard to accept the fact that one's love may not be suited for another.. but straight to the point: just move along till you find the right one!

One thing i got from today's service - This life of love that we live hurts, but one thing to know and understand, is that i have loved a free man, and have loved as one.

yes.. no regrets.. no more whining.. phase shift to the higher level..

Fallow.

2008-08-24T22:18:00.000-07:00

A good ending for you, but the same ending for me.

it was a good conversation though haha. =)

good in the sense that i still know you, and have known you once again.

First impression is important, but it isn't everything.

Be with company that enjoys you, and you'll be happy too.

but sometimes we can't expect some people to care in a way we think would be appropriate, be it christian or not. mainly because they are not close with you at all..

haha, just like you and me. despite you just saying a simple "hm, okay" after the things in which i've yet to share with anyone else, it's fine.. normal friends.. yup.

as the tree crumbles and fallows, i'm off to mug for my final 2 papers..

you can feel happy, hurt, distressed, and in peace, all at the same time.

A Special Fathers' Day.

2008-08-23T08:05:00.001-07:00

today is a special day by surprise, disguised my the routine of life indeed.

apart from the Neo-prints @_@ taken before going to church, and the exceptionally long hours of serving in Usher (if everybody were to just stay for 5 minutes to help, alot of work could've been done.. oh well, life as an usher is like this..), it was Ivan's dad's (uncle's) birthday.

i wanted to wish him a happy birthday but i guess he was out on a date with auntie heh.

not only that, it was the graduation service for the SOT students. saw Jia Yi, En Yao and Yun Rui up on the stage and receiving the scrolls.. wow they sure look wonderful! =) congratulations to my dear ex-CGL, ex-CG Helper, and my great sister in Christ! God bless and empower you to succeed in the callings He has given to you!

Lastly, when i was about to be clearing up, Pastor Tan halted the entire dismissal abruptly. i was quite taken aback, until i saw a birthday cake. Gosh i am so forgetful! today is also Pastor Kong's birthday! the whole church rejoiced with loud cheers, and also a touching song with dedications from pastors, friends, and of course Sun and Dayan.

as i listened to the song, tears began to flow down my eyes. looking back, through the current stages of hopelessness, Pastor Kong, was the one who brought God's love to me 4 years back. He was the great man who kept me keeping on, despite all the storms i had been going through. He is a great father, the example that i had always needed to look upon. though i may not know him personally, but one thing is for sure, is that i love Pastor very much, because he is my spiritual father.

I knew God, and His love, because of one man, his love and his kindness, that opened my heart to Abba Father.

happy birthdays to the wonderful fathers.. God bless and path their way to greater heights!

The Fight.

2008-08-19T12:33:00.000-07:00

one thing that has been bothering me for so long, discreetly forgotten, buried by other worries, resurfaced as Pris and i chatted today.

my debts are not cleared yet. a truth talk with my mum revealed an estimated outstanding of SGD 10,000 credit, owing my aunt. thank God that she was willing to lend us that some of money many years back; we could have been easily consumed by the bank as victims of killer interest rates.

the other depressing news is that my biological father has not brought in any contributions to our household for 6 whole months. this ain't new to me, but this occuring since half a year ago is.

reality just hits me hard on the head that my own expenses are already minor, and it's nothing compared to the mountain that is ahead of me.

i don't care if he's gonna help or not. he may be my father in blood, but he ain't one in truth, in reality, in my life. he doesn't even remember when i was born, with special thanks to my maid who reminded me.

it's alright. he's already irresponsible from the beginning. i'm used to it.

but the mutation of what i am now is the cause of one man's mistake. this flaw, this lack, somehow creeps deeper, becomes stealthily irreversible as i grew.

whatever i have become i'm not sure, but i'm not blaming anybody. in this unjust world, there is never a balance of human love, a love that is somewhat limited yet essential.

don't wanna go too deep into this. sensitive topic you know, love.

scouring for odd jobs that can be done at home for maximum efficiency.

i can't stand my mum's nagging of pushing me back to work, even though i'm taking a break for exams.

given a choice of course i won't want to work. the thing is i don't. not going any further into it.

please, let me know if you have any deals as such.

yes, i feel as though i'm going crazy. weird thoughts, weird words.

God. let me fulfill this duty that is due to the best of my ability. even if it takes my life, till the day that i die.

Waiting Sign.

2008-08-16T03:00:00.000-07:00

can one ever be in control over their own time? Our time, is our responsibility.

waiting for so long. deep down inside.

time given to others, others taking away the time that's left of me.

why did it have to be taken away, on that sunday out of all days.

the whole day was cold, no difference to the other passing days. the warmth of your hand came to mine, but it left the moment life flowed through my skin.

Time, is a gift from God. He's a balanced God, splitting it into 2 intervals, night and day, and 24 hours, and so forth.

Time won't grow, and neither would it shrink.

We're in control of it, and not letting time set the pace for you.

do think through about all the things that you've been doing if you ever said you don't have enough time for something. there's no one to blame but yourself.

time with close friends and family, or newly found acquaintances? too much of something is never good, but if we love, this is one responsibility we have to do. it ain't the past that built a relationship, but the present time, and the experiences shared together, that nurtures the bonding, allowing it to grow healthily.

if you don't feel like going out with those who asked you, reply them promptly and genuinely.. true friends won't bug you when a firm answer is given. but don't mismanage your time to things or others who are of less importance or significance in your life. the contradiction not only confuse, put to anger, but hurt and disappoint those who have been putting their waiting sign for you.

the feeling of being cheapened, disregarded, and going on any further equates to some serious healing required.

we try to understand, but when understanding fails, there's only so much one's love can hang on to it.

but if i truly love you, i'd do what is right, not for me, but for you, and for those around you.

relationship problems and breakdowns major around 1 cause: Lack of or wrong communication. learning to relate properly is not easy, but life is much easier than you can ever imagine so long as you try.

Watches are probably one of the best gifts to give. not only it ingrains the importance of cherishing the gift itself, but also the value of irreversible, but controllable time. hey, the time on the watch is set by you, not the other way round.

What an intro huh? it's a continuation from my previous thoughts actually.

long day today. met Baldovin to bring him to Auntie Helen for a hairdo.

then to Commonwealth to meet Chin Wen (long lost cousin =/); she wanna accompany me to Alexandra Hospital.

Met up with Daniel Stephen (D.S.) at the clinic and goodness his stitches gave me goosebumps.

-_- i hope his leg can recover soon..

we had a good and nice long chat at Sakae.. i really have to say, i didn't know how much i missed him until we met haha. sigh. but felt better already, for we managed to make time for each other despite our busy-ness. our total bill was 45 cents lmao (vouchers hehe) and it felt so weird handing the cashier a coin after whatever we've eaten >.<

Met up with the gang later on, then met my mum, Pris and her parents at some pub.

not bad for a first time trip. haha..

considering that there's KTV there, together with cards and stuff, it ain't a bad place to chill out eh? more relaxing than arcade and LAN that's for sure.

Drank quite a bit, but still sober. if not how'd i blog? guess the alcohol smoothened my trail of thoughts.

Will be busy with Mid Years and Usher Ministry. didn't know they were so short-handed.

till we (whoever you may be) meet again, it'll be just me, Teddy, 'lil Tatty, Stitch, and Abba Father.

Listening ears and company in bad times are still open. i know my priorities. hopefully. =/

Take care, God bless all.

A more straightforward post today; must've been the mugs. Do you like it this way or not? leave a comment..

Resolution.

2008-08-10T21:53:00.000-07:00

some nice surprises, but some not so nice ones.

okay maybe several not so nice ones.

Sigh. gotta get used to a life like this.

a birthday is still another ordinary day.

i'm still but a servant of God. hey, what do i have to complain about.

yesterday seemed so warm on the outside, yet deep down it still feels chilled.

damn i hate the two-pronged feeling attacks.

but life still has to move on.

move on.

A New Day.

2008-08-09T09:18:00.000-07:00

lol um okay i just went back to Adidas and found out that my 3 watches are already here.. sooner than i expected. this spells bad news..

haha. yup excessive present giving. bread and juice woot! (aiyah not many days in school anyway, will be working again soon)

preparing for church stuff..

bye bye ^^

Red and White.

2008-08-08T23:54:00.000-07:00

National day today~ and here i am at Vivocity slacking, waiting for the slowpokes hehex..

sigh, the cab ride home last night was so expensive. the cab driver stopped at one of the red lights.. for a few minutes. after his retardation, he then realised that the traffic lights were SPOILT.

i just stared intently at the fare meter, and oh my goodness gracious me lol.

talking about money, looks like i'm gonna spend a bunch this month again haha =x but hey i saved up for this occasion okay? =D

the 3 Adidas watches that i ordered have arrived, and it definitely ain't cheap. gotta replace Aunty Pari's missing earring as well, as well as another pair for someone else haha..

and the NUM tee that i saw which was quite cool (obviously not for me lol), and i've got co-tenant's discount haha..

wow.. so much so much to buy..

alright i'll shop in my dreams xD

DotA DotA DotA.. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH THE PEOPLE AH?! SHADOW PRIEST SUCKS LIKE CRAP NOW! ZZZ.. THERE GOES MY FAVOURITE AND BEST HERO.

i seriously detest and plead against the new rework.. people please help me by appealing at every official DotA forum if you agree with me.. =/ thank you very much..

Black Rectangles.

2008-08-07T08:51:00.000-07:00

today's a pretty hectic day.. had GEMs CA (supposed to be PAIR WORK, but my partner didn't show up on time; i did the whole planning form on my own anyway =/) as well as HRPS selections.

For my previous GEMs CA, i really thank Daddy God for His unfailing grace.. i didn't even know that it was a test week, and i stepped into the class casually with my MP3 20 minutes late. everyone just stared. i was so sickeningly embarrassed.

i thought this module was a goner. but the paper ain't as difficult as i expected. got a 75% (one of the highest) and i was like "huh? what? wrong script is it?" but yeah still thank God! and Jerome also (gave me a silent encouragement as i looked at him before attempting the paper lmao.. my face just fell flat can?)

then slogged through the day with my earpiece on, alone in the library doing ECM and HRPS.. Pris called and asked if she could asked me out for dinner. lol why not.. all those that i asked for dinner couldn't make it some way or another.

stoned at Adidas for an hour or so, then had dinner at Pastamania (Sushi Tei's queue is outrageously long lol), and my my i had curry fish -_- kinda oily, hot and spicy, but interesting taste =/ (er no pun intended)

we chatted and chatted, till i lost her somewhere though lol.. went to the supermarket to get some groceries before heading home.

i am astounded when i opened the box she gave me. it's a pure black leather wallet and keyholder set from Goldlion, and it is so NOT CHEAP.

Thank you very much Pris and Sean haha.. i didn't expect my first and early present to be so grand..

touched deeply by the loving couples, i'm inspired and motivated to head back to Adidas after my exams. gotta make my workplace a better place.. it hurts to see my friends having cold war with each other, and i'm sandwiched in between.

another surprise caught me off guard was when Sheeny smsed me to keep my Sunday free, 'cause she wants to hang out with me lol.. alright alright i'll mug around expo area after service to wait haha.. got tons to work on and catch up.

then my bro reminded me to keep sunday free AGAIN (with a very bad reason also lol. so not convincing can hahaha).

hmm.. see how this goes then..

okok back to my project. black rectangles =D

Desires.

2008-08-06T19:19:00.000-07:00

there's only something in mind in which i wanna do on a sunday:

have lunch or dinner with someone. someone in mind, for a very long time.

but it's been so long, so very long i suppose. 'cause i can feel the distance draining the life within me. it makes me feel as though i'm dying?

busy-ness, other people, the arguments, the difficult times, somehow's just getting bigger, getting greater.

it seems so torn apart. it looks completely fine on the surface, but yet deep down inside, i don't even know what's left of this.

is this what God wants it to be? or is it something that the devil has dominion over and consuming it bit by bit? nothing stands neutral in this context here, but yet something deep inside me makes me hesitant in thinking that the devil is the real influence.

true and close friendships are beautiful things, a gift from the Father to the children in whom He loves so dearly.

of course i can't deny the fact that it bogs me down.

of all the things that i do not know, i am wholeheartedly sure that even if the flower of friendship were to die, my love i have for you will never change.

over the years, i found that no true love ever changes or turns sour. yes, we may tend to forget and be occupied with other things as we move on, but when you look back into the memories, your heart beats soulfully deep within; when you get closer and feel it, it's still as warm as ever.

everything on the face of the earth changes. all except true love. that's why God doesn't change.

hmm. it may not change, but it changes you. it ain't easy to take though. but i guess that's what it means by how people work issues of love out when they grow up (and grow old).

looks like i'm going to church alone again o_O

'cause the cell group is going for the second service whilst i have to go for the first one..

i hate to say this, but i kinda expected my sunday to be dried empty.

well i guess i'll just plan something out..

friday and saturday:
i'd like to go LAN gaming with all the pals yeah.. hopefully can play inhouse.. anyone up for it?

sunday:
church in the morning of course..

the rest of the day.. hmm.. think i'll keep it booked till night.

still hoping for the lunch haha.. =/

is it wrong to desire? maybe not.. 'cause God has tons of desires..
just desire for the right thing.
and i hope i am.

A Tired Love.

2008-08-01T21:07:00.000-07:00

Phew, it was a very very long Friday indeed.

Stayed in school till 4 plus because of the E-Commerce project; i didn't even know that the report was to be submitted on that day itself. -_-

then headed to Orchard, hoping to find a seat in the library to SLEEP. but i couldn't find the library anywhere! sigh.. it's either relocated or closed down i think.

Rested a while on the bench, then headed to City Hall to meet the guys for dinner. Met Pris and Sean halfway also.. =/

i think i kinda overspent yesterday.. close to a hundred on Perlini's Silver (after birthday discount some more), 30 on Hong Kong Cafe, then 20 more on arcade and LAN.
Wah. so good-gamed.

air and water for recess for the rest of the month -_-

but anyway we all had a good time together, i must say. really enjoyed it and glad to see everybody happy.

An exhausted yet undying heart puts me into difficult sleep once again.

Some things that people won't get for me i can get for myself.

But some things can only be given by someone else, can it bring out its full purpose and fulfillment.

Somehow, shopping alone, and buying things for myself, seems to be burning a bigger hole in my heart.

I don't have the luxury of bugging a sugar-mum/dad, or have someone who extensively cares who would grant my heart's desires with an element of surprise.

when i get stuff for myself, it feels so different, so wrong should i say. but the situation is such that if i don't get some stuff for myself, i'll end up looking ancient, and i REALLY mean ancient. (who wears the same set of berms for 5 years straight. sigh.)
my wants end up becoming needs, backfiring, dissatisfying and it just makes me mad at myself.

but yet again, a part of me still keeps me breathing at least. chipping in more so my friends would chip in less, cover the whole bill even though they said we're going dutch, small random gifts every now and then. (Lending money is different, as it is based on a contractual basis. Giving, is based on love. So you may love someone, but the contract still stays. Gotta get things right and clear, lest you be cheated in this life.)

I would do anything to the best of my abilities to put/keep a smile on your faces.

It is very taxing and heavy.

But woot! frankly i'm looking forward to next week =/ though i ain't doing anything, my gut feeling tells me it's gonna be full of surprises? o_o nah can't be too sure about that haha.. so bhb
-_-
but anyway, if it's nothing much it doesn't really matter lol.. just a year older, not as though i've become king for a day =/ at least, i get to spend a great birthday, the exact day, with Daddy God! >.< Wee~

Friends, are forever. Family will be truly forever, when you can love and respect each other as friends.

It's not a wish for me, but for you. yes, you. =D (the one who's reading and the one who's NOT also) Hope i have made, am making, and will make this wish come true.

take care all my friends!

Daddy God, give me the strength to love, just as You love me, as You love each and every one of us.

Afraid.

2008-07-28T00:43:00.000-07:00

Haven't really got the mood to blog recently..

well yeah, ain't feeling that great.

i just realised that although i've been telling those around me not to be plastic and just be frank about how they feel etc., i ain't really doing that myself.

the smile i'm wearing is but a disguise, to just hide the things that are inside.

not that i don't wanna share, but honestly i'm afraid.. yeah.

Afraid that i'll get hurt again. though it sounds illogical in a way, but maybe you could just take it that i myself, don't trust people anymore.

though i was taught to live by faith and not by fear, somehow reality check deems this naive.

i really just wonder, if it's my fault that life is as it is now.

picking up from mistakes, starting all anew, seems to be just another mistake.

i don't understand.

i don't know why.

no matter what i've done, big or small, hasn't changed this life one bit. someone once said that change begins from your mind; i guess i need to experiment with a thousand changes before i can see a different result.

God, if there's anything i want for my birthday from You, it's a miracle that i want.

People out there, if there's anything i want for my birthday from you, it's your honesty. don't have to throw a big hoo-ha party or whatever nots, because i'm more interested in being treated as how he/she truly feels deep down inside.

i don't even need a celebration, much less to say presents. somehow all of these don't seem to matter to me.

Yes of course i want to have a close friend, buddy or whatever you guys call yours. that is beyond my control though.

A true friend, a true friend who cares. Hmm, wishful thinking, or is it not?

why don't you tell me instead.

For those who feel sick and tired of reading my blog because it's not very colourful but instead very black, i suggest that you should discontinue visiting this site, lest your day be spoilt. but bear one thing in mind, not everybody's life is as fortunate as yours. so just cherish all the sweet stuff that you have right now, put your attention on them, and keep the cynical comments to yourself. thanks ah.

People mess up not because they're evil, but because they are frail.

Even if the whole world doesn't even give a damn about your love in words or actions,
love them anyway.
Ultimately this is between you and God,
not you and them.

DotA Faction

2008-07-16T06:14:00.000-07:00

Hey Catholic High Alumni and Juniors,

I was wondering if it would be a good idea to have our very own school faction for cybergames, especially DotA.

DotA is not just any Warcraft custom game; it is the very pride of our alma mater in our local and regional community. Many top notch players representing various national and international teams come from this school alone.

I'm not at that level yet i suppose, but it is one of my greatest hobbies and interests. apart from that, i am surrounded by the elites (some of the best players are friends you see) and i'm inspired by them greatly indeed.

I may not play as well as they do, but i can organise stuff to create excitement in life. =/

Using MIRC, we can unite as a school, a team, virtually online to socialise, spar and practise for competitions. Also, in-house or small public events will be better notified to the whole school and thus turn-up rates would be better.

These are some of the stepping stones that one could take to reach out for the dream of participating in the World Cyber Games tournament.

What do you say, people, a DotA club? Interact with seniors and juniors, tests of skills, chill out playing with people who don't leave games -_-

We can also go out for LAN parties every now and then too, instead of hiding behind computer screens all the time.

Any comments or suggestions? please leave it under this post. Try not to use the tagboard, cuz i don't want it to flood -_-

Renewal.

2008-07-07T03:52:00.000-07:00

Hi guys,

It's been a while since i blogged properly.

But anyway, i'm gonna change the entire blog for good.. this one is beyond repair already..

You know something about honesty?

it's one of the hardest things to express vividly. Whether you need to or not.

It's either people cannot take the truth, unwilling to face it, or fear the consequences of it all.

Living in a life of cover-ups, lies and fake emotions.

I wasn't like this before, not until i started to deny the true conditions of my heart.

it just got worse, out of hand totally, and when you've lost it all it's already too late to apologize.

but it's all alright now.. i hope..

letting time heal the hurts, wounds and broken hearts.

i'm sorry, for those in whom i've hurt, those in whom i love and cherish the most.

the road to be a better man is not easy, but i'm not giving up.

life hasn't changed;

my spoilt sister rots worse to the core each day,

assignments and school stuff overrun me so quickly that i'm not sure if i can catch up.

i seriously do not know how to describe this lifestyle of mine.. but if i were to take a video of my everyday life, i'm hardly with somebody.

i can ask, and keep asking, but i figure that i'll end up as a pest.

quite screwed up.

i'm different. my life's different. thus how i live my life, has got to be different too? apart and separate from the norms of others?

so much more to say, but i'll just stop here for the time being.

i need to learn how to speak directly. =)

take care all.

* Nice to see you again Sheeny! Sorry, wasn't feeling very good the other saturday.. Cya Soon!

Close.

2008-07-02T20:24:00.001-07:00

Smile.

2008-06-28T21:09:00.000-07:00

It's a great sunny day today.

Sadly i've missed it; gotta get some stuff at Adidas, and pal needs rest very badly.

New trunks are out.. Black with 3 white stripes! i'm so getting it.

After that gotta get to work too.

All the dumb school projects also.

Have a good day all. Going to indulge in the ecstasy of slight slurging.

Be happy, smile.

If you can't, call for a little help.

If there's no help available, just close your eyes, and wait.

The day will come, when your smile becomes pure and natural, not out of lies nor brokenness.

Dear Daddy God,

I can't stop crying.

Everyday, every night, everywhere i go, everywhere i am.

I want to be happy, but time and time again things always try to bring you down.

God i really needed Your peace yesterday so badly.

but because i couldn't immerse myself into worship, i felt so horrible. Ushering people with a smile on your face but with tears uncontrollably trickling down the cheeks is kinda contradictory?

it's ministry, it's sacrifice, but i know i am strong and still able to make the right decisions and attitudes despite all my emotions.

It's really very difficult God!

Though i've evaded past wrongs in these tests, why does the helpless feeling still linger?

There's so much to be done. My purpose, my responsibilities.

Don't let the doors of my heart close... please...

Dear God, i pray for grace over my loved ones, to give them the ability to fulfill all that is required of them.. their promises, their confessions. Let no more dangling promises hurt anyone anymore.

Keep us company oh God. every night, every day.
Don't leave, nor forsake us.

In Jesus' name i pray, Amen.

How Long More.

2008-06-26T08:51:00.000-07:00

Today's just not my day seriously.

Had a horrible night's sleep yet again for consecutive days. Woke up early to study, but fell asleep a while later. So i was 20 minutes late for the paper and i didn't finish it.

Alot of other stuff happened along the way to school. but i'll skip that. spare me the stress.

Couldn't go for cell group because i was scheduled to work on Thursday. I thought i missed out alot already. But i was wrong huh.

Went to the Cathay to get Yuan Hong and Huiwen's presents. wanted to exchange my polo tee for greater value items, but the supervisor disallowed me, saying that "it's staff discount, so cannot." I went there as a regular customer, and that was how he talked to me. no greeting, no referring to my name, and spoke with such an attitude, as though i owed him a thousand bucks.

He just spoilt my day. Left the place in a jiffy after i got my stuff for work.

Work was surely more interesting when i just realised that i may not be able to get into a local university anymore. Seng Hui and Eleanor just enlightened me that my GPA is cumulative - every single semester in poly life counts. I always had the perception that only my 3rd year would be crucial and important. but i was wrong. totally wrong.

Made a big mistake by working in a high-commitment part-time job and sacrificing my 1st semester of studies, once again. not that i didn't try, but it's seriously beyond capability for me.

Is it really worth it? to give up my chances in a good university for substantial income? But i don't have a choice - Mum is the sole breadwinner. and guess what, she's taking a part-time diploma course now! that's good for her, no doubt, but that will mean that our net income will fall significantly. if i were to work less i'd be feeding on blocks of bread only. I've been used to being financially independent for so long; living off my mum again will impose too much stress for her and i won't feel any better seeing this happening.

Sigh. I need a breather. Badly.

Pal, if you are reading this, i just want you to know how much i want to tell you all this. i can only hope and wait that you'll have time, and make some space for me to share with you so much more.

This blog is not my best friend. Mine is a real person in whom i really care about. Gotta share the key things with the right person.

Drawing strength from my past reflections, reminding myself not to make certain mistakes, i will wait and hold on a little longer, looking forward to a time with you.

Oh God, SOS. What am i to do..
I don't know how to face tomorrow, but Lord help me.
I feel discouraged and disappointed time and time again, but Lord show me the sun.
Most importantly, give me the strength to wait without a broken smile.
in Jesus' name i pray, Amen.

Reflection.

2008-06-21T08:53:00.000-07:00

I've failed many tests today.

Looks like i have an aptitude.

It can be hard to respond to negativity. Not impossible. Just hard.

Sigh. Things just exascerbate when inferiority complex kicks in.

But yea. Just be my normal self, seeking to improve myself each day, and be patient about being who i'm said to be.

School's starting and everybody's going back to business. Somehow i feel that my tank is running as low as when the holidays just began. Zzz.

Apart from exams, there's the not so good side of me to fight too. Plus solitude and additional work stress etc.. Life is just that boring huh.

All the best to those having exams.

Dear God, thanks for the holidays, and the things, be it good or bad, that happened this June. Please, help me fight ingratitude. In Jesus' name i pray, Amen.

Lovelorn Solitude.

2008-06-16T09:06:00.001-07:00

Freedom is like the flight of a kite,

soaring so carefreely, riding on the breeze, basking in the sun.

Love is like the thin cotton string,

a bond of commitment that keeps you secure, safe and stable.

without love and you'd end up in outer space.

too much of it would only bog you down.

i only desire for those whom i love to fly without wings.

without a frown, enjoying the warmth of whatever life can offer them.

the reel has been released completely.

i'll only do what is best for others.

if the sturdy winds come, just give me a little tug. i'll still be there for you.

but don't worry. i won't tug yours. or anyone else's.

many things cannot be explained.

but nonetheless, your joy is the greatest gift i can receive.

Loved till i bled. Bled till i died.

Strength.

2008-06-14T18:57:00.000-07:00

Service yesterday was remarkable, and remarkably painful too.

I told myself not to be emotional, but to stand strong and to live on positive and head up.

Thoughts just entered my mind without permission.

My mum. My grandmothers. My siblings and cousins. Reunion dinner. What he had done to my family and i.

I couldn't hold on at all. the stronger i resisted, the greater the pain. i don't understand why either though.

i didn't lift my hands when pastor asked if we loved our dads. i didn't tell my neighbours left and right that i'll be a blessing to him today. People had gifts, cards, coffee and cookies for them, but even if i had any i don't have a dad to give to. Pastor's sermon was excellent, but yet somehow didn't apply for me at all.

Not that i didn't want a father, but he was the one who didn't want me in the first place. what can i do? so be it. thus neither would i desire to have one.

I was just left standing alone right there and then, after the service, wishing that i could just hug someone to ease the pain i have been withholding deep within.

Things never did work out in the ways you wanted it to be from the very beginning. So i just dried my tears, locked my eyes with a glare confidently, and told myself that i'm stronger than what people would think. there are some things in life that i don't necessarily need, even love, and whatever that kind of love may be.

Sounds over the wall or cocky? a little. But it's better than emo-ing my way through life.

I'm still waiting for the day when someone would prove me wrong. so wrong.

Man needs food and water to survive, but man needs love to live.

Love is not a chance, but a choice.

i know all this head knowledge. i've been applying them as much as i can.

that's all that i need to know. the results are beyond my control.

the initial startup of being happy wasn't too good, but it all went well during the course of celebrating Steve's birthday. he sure is a super chocolate fanatic. >.>

Once again, happy father's day to all.

Irreplaceable.

2008-06-13T07:45:00.001-07:00

To all those with fathers in their lives, please show some practical forms of appreciation to your dads. no matter how indifferent they treat you, know the very basic fact that without them, life will be without you.

Many men, fathers and sons here, have the courage to take on the rough roads in life, but can be so hesitant in expressing their love for one another. may the child be so ever daring to set their fathers free, and vice-versa.

For those in which this season is inapplicable to, the moments of torment will pass sooner or later. the scorches deep within, the chill that cuts to the bone, and the disability to be freed from this eternal curse.

But still, live on. Irreplaceable doesn't mean indispensible.

If you have a best friend or brother to be by your side, take it as the bonus you would have in such times of melancholy. don't say anything, and don't let them talk so much either. just enjoy the company, the warmth of the shoulders, and the resting of a broken heart.

haha. i don't think i can blog on anymore.

going against my flaw that is being challenged at its peak is really draining.

happy father's day to all.

You say it best, when you say nothing at all - Ronan Keating

Unforgettable.

2008-06-01T09:13:00.000-07:00

Sorry guys.. i've been so busy with work and projects recently that i hardly have time to breathe.

Plus the DotA competition. Oh damn the stress really kills. >.<

Today sure is a really special head start for my study break..

Guess it's just about to begin =)

2008-05-20T05:02:00.000-07:00

LeNoir™ and Whiters™ Presents
CHSA DotA Challenge 2008

CHSA DotA Challenge Game Rules

No item limits
3 bans per side
Backdooring allowed other than base towers and barracks (above slope is bd)
No sharing of items / units
60 minutes
Drafting 1-2-2-2-2-1
Marshall's decision is final
NO vulgar languages
NO taunting

Violation of any of the above rules will result in INSTANT disqualification.

Win situations: FT / WT destroyed
If not, highest points win
Disqualifications / Walkovers

Point systems: Hero kills (1 point)
Tower kills (2 points)
Barrack kills (3 points)

Registration procedures: T.B.C.

Registration fees: $35 per team (payment to be made through E-nets / cash / cheque)

Venue: The Cathay, Dhoby Ghaut, E2Max

Time: Teams will be informed about their respective time slots. Please appear on time. Late coming will not tolerated (>10 mins late coming = Walkover)

For queries: Henry Sng (94894336) (holyelvenlegion@hotmail.com)

Ivan Tee (91802263) (whitewight@hotmail.com)

Drowning.

2008-05-15T04:22:00.000-07:00

one whole day of stock-taking drained so much out of me. don't even talk about sales. didn't even have the strength to greet customers.

was stupid enough to leave my MP3 player in my bermudas pocket. yep. i drowned its life down the bucket with soap and detergent. there goes my birthday present that hardly lasted for a year. it's gonna be another 300 bucks minimum to get a replacement.

i'm so sorry guys, for i had been careless with the one so precious gift that meant so much to me, one which you guys forked out so much for.

i think it's beyond repair. a great expense incurred indeed.

a short nap in the school canteen felt like heaven for 20 minutes. i'm struggling very badly to simply just keep myself awake during all my classes. i failed half the time for this week already.

why does it seem that there is so much to be done? barely a week and surrounded by a horde of projects.

God. i need Your strength. i don't know how to face this world on my own. please give me a way of escape from the traps of negative attitudes, selective attention, and nonchalance, for they never fail to make breathing difficult for me.

though i can't feel You all the time, let me trust Your heart, and Your guiding light in the dark. Help me to live for no one else but for You and Your purpose. it doesn't matter if i'm alone or in the comfort of company; what matters most is that i've something to do for You every new day.

I love You. In Jesus' name i pray.
Amen.

The Final Battle.

2008-05-13T09:40:00.000-07:00

This has been one of the most stressful, yet breathtaking matches i've ever witnessed in my whole DotA life.

The intra-JC finals came to a close on us when we ended up 9 kills behind BoB who had 26. The base was swept clean.

Sigh. No one enjoyed the last match, i would say. No one except the sisters. looks of stress and grim expressions on both the players and spectators, and there they go in their LaLaLand frenzy.

Yea they may be good, but they don't impress me one bit. that kind of "sportsmanship" is just revolting. they just leave me with nothing to describe them already.

Whatever BoB faced during the finals is nothing but our quarter-strength. i'd definitely look forward to a day we fight again full-force, without a single trace of mercy. =)

Looks like i've been taking the back seat for too long. it's time.

But yet again congratulations to Ivan, Hong Jie, Ming Wei, Shem and Jiaming, for the excellent matches you have put up all these weeks. it's not a waste at all to take time off to see you guys improve so quickly. i'm sure you guys will do much better in future competitions, now that you guys know how to draft haha.

That's it for the commentaries on the intra-JC competition.

the inter-JC one is on 8 June i think.

Alright. stay tuned to the next post.

Victory Road.

2008-05-06T04:47:00.000-07:00

Today's Semi-finals was really an intense battle. Well i would definitely expect some sparks of thrill to ignite; both teams have 4 players each that are Catholic High students. Literally a junior-senior clash. Indubitably, our alma mater houses some of the best cybergames talents in the whole of Singapore. We're more than just nerds i guess haha.

Finished with a score of 27-18 i guess, won by a timeout at the 60th minute, with their middle barracks swept clean. an unconventional Battle Earthshaker style adopted by Ivan which pounded them into mince meat, but the other team had lots of fun feeding of Hong Jie's dragon meat. -_-

Friday will be the most serious match ever. i encourage all CHSA to come down to NJC and witness the spectacular moment against Respar. They're determined to pin them down this time; ain't gonna finish this by a disqualification, but a true, solid victory.

i believe they can do it.

For glory!

Wishes.

2008-05-05T22:42:00.000-07:00

Looking back at drafts, i guess i'll just do this for the saking of doing haha.

i can't seem to post this up on a sidebar (i don't know how actually =p someone help me? heh.)

Daydreaming about:

Someone, something. (like duh.)

Laptop Mouse.

Adidas Microbounce Shoes.

Adidas Jacket.

Adidas Gym Shorts.

BAGS. (can't buy Nike la. their bags rock seriously.)

Oakley Shades.

Watch? i don't really have one.. sigh. people look cool with that.

More Pay? oh well. typical me.

*End for now*

Am i materialistic? guess not. i don't usually buy stuff for myself.
yea to double confirm this, it's just wishful thinking anyway HAHA.

After i settle down with a stable job, i want to open my very own boutique selling only the best of the best of the best brands. lol. sounds ambitious, but guess this hobby of mine is pretty much satisfying to me. feels good to see human mannequins dressed up in what you perceive as nice, and catch the attention of the general public as they carry on through their normal course of life. i guess that's what makes life interesting, something to catch your attention every now and then.

alright. time to do homework.

Headhunted.

2008-05-04T09:32:00.000-07:00

The doors of Adidas are wide open.

We are recruiting part-timers now on a first-come-first-serve basis.

Here are the general outlines:
6-month open-ended contract
Basic pay of $5.50 per hour + 1% sales commission
at least 1 weekend (for service lines, Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays are considered as weekends)
20 hours per week commitment; failure to comply will lead to the waive of your commission for the whole month (it's quite a significant sum of money)
however, if you can hit the monthly sales target of $18,000, this penalty will be waived.

currently, we're looking for people who are available on Tuesdays, Thursdays, Fridays and Saturdays.

if you need more information, feel free to contact me at holyelvenlegion@Hotmail.com, or make a trip down to Adidas Vivocity, and seek the supervisor in charge, saying that you're applying via the introduction by me. (please don't fake this if you're not even my friend, thank you; i'll get to find out anyway.)

Being in the service sector for 4 years already, Adidas is one of the best companies i've ever worked with. it's definitely a premier choice for those who are in need of a decent part-time job.

while i was serving a Thai family today, one of the ladies approached and gave me her name card; she is a top management staff, if not the boss, of a restaurant down Shenton Way.

She complimented me, and wanted me to serve in her restaurant if i could. =/ that's a really sweet offer by a customer.

Though i'm not really keen in returning to the Food and Beverage Sector so soon, i'd definitely do her a favour by referring people there. haha. Suddenly i've become a recruiting agent huh.

So in the end she left with 2 pairs of shoes for her son (or nephew), and left me with her contact card and a smile on my face. =) truly excellence service comes from both the customer and staff simultaneously.

ok time for bed. don't wanna be late for school again.

The Mediation.

2008-05-01T03:15:00.000-07:00

What is going on.

Seriously.

I'm not angry anymore. I left early because i couldn't control it any longer. i had to leave to prevent myself from hurting anyone.

First. Cell Group Outing on MayDay. i have no objections whatsoever to it, for i have consecrated my Thursday evenings to cell group for the rest of my life. but notice that it is a family day - Singapore declared Labour Day is because of the simple fact that they want to promote family togetherness and welfare of workers; if you're talking about cell group meeting that's fine, but a full-day outing? We've all got reasons here and there but the rounding point here is that if it's gonna be a break, go take it. enjoy it. if you want to have a big day, you have to use your common sense, and be wise to choose the right day. If the turn-up rates are going to be an all-time low, just cancel it. a simple lunch or something would be a much more appropriate solution to a major plan that is not going to succeed. it's not like your plans are going to waste; you can keep the mystery letters and other stuff with you first, and implement it when the right opportunity comes. ( June Holidays ) I'm not going to comment anymore on this because it won't go far. we were all there to witness the situation. that alone is enough.

the next thing would be the unavailability of some members. it doesn't matter why they didn't come; what matters more to me is the reason why they are unwilling to come. for those who haven't gone for the little gatherings we had, please take a halt, and ponder over the reason why. please.

if you ask me, yes. i was unwilling to come for the big day. trust me on that when i'm being honest about something. i felt that the date, the number of people coming, etc, are just not exciting me like the way it should. it didn't feel right as how a big day ought to at all. i didn't want to go.

it wasn't just me who felt this way, i can say. those who didn't turn up would say the same. the only thing is that they are more direct in their approach. despite knowing the fact that even the members wouldn't come, i still did. but really today just didn't work out one bit.

we need to restructure things out. our mutual relationships especially. i want unity, growth and love in this cell group. but we can't do this if we do not even know how to breathe - rest comes from God yes, but that means another thing, which is that rest takes up time. we cannot overdo things really.

i'm not blaming anybody.

i implore all of us, who have read this, to take a break. really go get some fresh air. we'll talk more about this the next time we meet. our cell group is small enough, we don't need more killer stress.

God bless all.

Into the Semi-finals. Oh Yea.

2008-04-28T06:25:00.000-07:00

The last preliminary match today for the team was really exciting man.

The China team won the coin toss and chose to draft first. sure put us into a disadvantage for we always loved the luxury of choosing what we want first. No matter though, we still settled for our comfortable heroes and squashed them flat.

We heard lots of sexy moans alright.

Bras, implants and paddings can be found lying all over the creep camps. HAHA.

they had AkashA, LunA, and a LinA. so they went "Ah!! Ah!! AHHH!!!"

ok anymore of this and it'll be a sick blog already >.<

thanks alot Hong Jie! xD

Damn. Broke my glasses while i was washing them WTH.

oh well. it has served me well for a good 2 and a half years. time to look for a new partner for my pair of eyes. -_-

oh yes. the doctor was a sadist also. fiddled with liquid nitrogen and impaled the wart with the sub-zero cold cotton bud. yea and all i could say was "ah~"..

there goes all my pay. sigh.

ok back to class mode. blog later.

Dash.

2008-04-25T11:27:00.000-07:00

I have been reading blogs recently, for i do not have much of time and energy to blog haha.. i'm just plain sick.

But anyway, Mr Heng never fails to inspire.

A poem i've read, about the dash of life.

really, what matters in this lifetime is not the cars, cash or houses.

it's the things we want to change for the better, for all and yourself.

thinking is one thing.

thinking about what you think is another.

and doing something about what you've thought is yet again another issue.

you can't think love. you communicate it.

i wanna change the worlds of my loves ones only for the better.

i'm gonna do my very best to do so.

i'm gonna be practical, precise and down-to-earth.

true and faithful at heart, clear, understanding and wise in mind.

acceptive, simply me.

this, is love. (not trying to promote Nike here)

Have a good day to all..

Tattoo.

2008-04-21T22:22:00.000-07:00

*Names have been pseudo-ed for confidentiality.

Coincidence brought my long lost friend back again. I met Edison on the train as i was out; both of us were on our way to church. though i was very much happy to see him, we couldn't talk much for he had to alight at the next stop after the one which i just boarded.

Truly coincidence is God's way of remaining anonymous. something was troubling him deep down inside. i could see it in his eyes. i didn't know what to say to him for several days until tonight.

He read my Apr 13 post. and i could just sync myself with him almost completely.

Edison. a superbly nice guy, who loves his buddy very much. Despite the changes, distance and busyness of life, he's always trying his best to love unconditionally, to give to her everything he could possibly offer. He's doing everything he can to keep things the way it has used to be. yea. used to be.

Edison's wearing out. this love is just consuming him. tired, vexed, confused, and the worst battle ever - the internal war between giving up and giving more, selfishness and selflessness, self-protection and self-sacrifice. but all he gets is indifferent responses, ignorance, the cold shoulder. yea we're talking about unconditional love yes, but seeing this situation i cannot deny the fact that it hurts so much more to fight against the selfish thoughts of anger and frustration. feels like pressing my heart against a bed of spikes.

Japheth has new friends in her new school now. very nice friends. i guess she would've realised by now that she is drifting away from Edison very quickly; maybe she doesn't feel the same way as how Edison felt towards her in the first place. she's just too busy for him. the truth of the matter is, Edison loves her more than the other way round.

It happens. i guess that's just life is it?

But we have to understand that her ice-cold, or possibly even negative responses, are probably unintentional. i only say this because my pal has been very honest with me. i truly appreciate it.

she feels so disgraceful, so sorry, for Edison, because she doesn't even feel this "buddy" way.

Sigh. is this the end of the few years of camaraderie?

Shouldn't Edison and i be super good buddies, since we have such similarities?

Immediately an answer came, saying that if we were to be good buddies, we won't even be talking like this, about this today. We're very much similar in personality and stuff, but i believe we are meant for different people? purposed to be someone's pillar of strength, the living proof of God's goodness and greatness in their lives?

People have told us to give up. not to do anything anymore. just care for yourself. but Edison and i just can't.

If you, Japheth, ever get to read my blog, would you take some time off, quickly settle the other issues of life, and think about what you want to do about this? i know he definitely means something to you, and it's just that it's different from the new people you have in your life; it could be flow, chemistry and personality matches. but what position do you want him to stand in your life? it's not going to be an easy answer, because there is so much to consider, to think about. you've got more homework, extra stuff here and there, more new friends to integrate and know better, but the same 24 hours. the same amount of money. time ain't gonna extend itself, neither is money gonna multiply in your wallet.

to expand one's capacity is not easy. not easy at all. yes it's really great to have someone who loves you so much, though you don't feel exactly as much or the same as him, but it's also very nice to have found mutual bonds, somehow bringing out a more natural flow.

can you have the best of both sides you ask?

i think the question should be: "do you want the best of both sides?" it's not a matter of selfishness. either way you'll be saying that you want something, so yea. are you able to strike a balance between all your friends and Edison? Apart from the fun and joy, do you still want to keep the one who brings you guidance and peace serene?

one thing is for sure. if you truly love, you would commit. it's really more than just maintaining a connection. As to what extent, the heart shall reveal itself once again.

i don't know entirely how you feel about this, but Edison means what he says. he unconditionally loves, and doesn't demand anything back. no matter what the outcome is gonna be, his heart lies a mark, a tattoo of your name on it. no matter how far you go, his heart will always have room for you. He is a very strong person trust me, but if God had placed both of you together in the first place, i pray that this bond will be blessed till eternity.

two buddies, going through different tough times, but having to learn the same thing - expanding our capacity and being strong-willed.

Daddy God, i pray that as soon as the hustling clouds fade away, restoration will blossom once again. yes, when much is given, much is required, but let both persons be willing to walk the second mile, and embrace the bitter-sweet taste of Your love once again. God bless Edison and Japheth.

dear pal, thanks for sharing with me what you've been going through all this while. be it the good times or the bad. without understanding you i will never have the courage or strength to fight against the temptation of self-centredness, even to have a clearer picture of what you're facing.
the wait is long, unbearable at times, but i thank God for patience. i'll wait for you, for i believe and trust in you. i'm praying for strength, wisdom and love to be upon you everyday, that you may do the ordained and necessary things without burning out. i pray that your relationships in your family, with your bros and friends will go no lower but only better, managing it with tactfulness, balance, but most importantly love. i thank God for you once again, because you helped my friend in this period of tough times. Thank you.

in Jesus' name i pray, Amen.

Life - Love = 0

Brain-lag.

2008-04-19T00:44:00.000-07:00

once again my brain lag is giving me some problems.

can't seem to register things immediately when i should.

not just in cliche stuff, but in relationships too.

that kinda pissed people off, and all i can say to myself is that i really gotta upgrade my RAM.

sorry for the trouble caused to a few recently.

hopefully back to normal.

a normality that i yearn to breakthrough.

First Week.

2008-04-18T04:10:00.000-07:00

Phew. the first week of school had ended. more adventurous days to come. Yup, adventurous indeed.

It's nice to be in my new class, in my perspective haha.. not because i am class rep, but because majority of the people are spontaneous in integrating together! it's really heartwarming because at least i didn't feel awkward for once. -_- i have to thank Lishi, Ee May, Angela, Spencer and Rachel (though she'd transferred out during the last minute =/) for supporting me too haha. Now i truly know that being a class rep ain't easy too. =O

My new class is cool man. very nice people hehex.. easy to communicate and flow too. i'm the SHORTEST guy in class again. -_- but oh well, i'll just work harder to be nine feet tall on the inside. =X

I've got a really cool Personal Tutor too! Mr Howard Yap is one of the younger and more understanding teachers in SP, and he's definitely much more active than *ahem ahem* (but it's ok -_- what's past is past; moreover, he's really senior so give him a break. Guess who HAHA.)

So much unsaid and untold have happened over the first quarter of the year. Yea man, First Quarter already. and to think time moves so slowly when i work.

only several months left with my JC friends, before they set off to NS. Pal too. i'll really miss them.. though i'm telling myself to find time for them, i guess it's just not happening; it's A Levels, and i have to work and school too. there's only a limit to the number of lessons i can skip zzz.

i just want to give them the best year yet. this year. birthdays, competitions etc., i'd give my best of support and help to make dreams come true, and feel loved too.

apart from this, i understand that a new class means expanding my capacity, my social circle too. i'm definitely open to true blue friends (in whom i think i have found a potential one o.o), where we can mutually depend on. not just for now, but for the rest of our lives. though a few kinda screwed up, cuz they couldn't accept me for the way i am (or was), i'll just let go and move on.. it hurts, so i shouldn't be dumb to cling onto it!

Damn my fever is still there. when is it going to dissipate. -_-

*rests like a pig for once, after so many nights of little sleep, hugging Teddy close to heart*

Chemistry.

2008-04-15T08:33:00.000-07:00

I just read Hong Jie's blog, and his latest entry..

somehow what he talked about made my mind churn even more. -_-

There's more to it than just chemistry in relationships.

yea that's very true isn't it? i mean, love is of the will, and not just the emotion..

but has anybody felt the emotion coming after you've made a choice to love? for my case, i'll have to say yes. it's really miraculous how i have been surged with loving emotions after i have made my choice to do so. come to think of it, i've never ever expected this to happen. at all. love is such a powerful force, that without proper management, you will just be overwhelmed.

there were many times when my eyes were caught with physical appearances first (but they always never worked out for me), but after this will-emotion experience, it just affirms in my heart that beauty really lies in the eyes of the beholder. somewhat seemingly this person was just a plain, normal, non-significant person. but after a choice made, lasting even till now (hopefully forever of course), the person just becomes more and more beautiful, attractive, charming. Delayed infatuation? i don't think so.. maybe it's the revelation of the one deep down inside, so much so that it exudes out of the person so ever brightly.

my chances with chemistry are VERY bad i feel. totally inexplicable. Sigh.

do you leave chemistry to chance, waiting for a double coincidence, or make it happen?

i guess each has equal success-failure rates.

i wish all you guys the best in all your relationships too! >.<

ok i'm so gonna get a fever if i don't rest now.

so many things to do! so many hours of work to commit!

ARGH JIA YOU! >.< you guys jia you too...

when emotions run dry, the will of love takes over.

They got it right. Yea man.

2008-04-15T05:13:00.000-07:00

Exciting match today indeed.

Once again Ivan and Hong Jie pulled it off against team Lignum with a staggering 34-7.

Shem had a tough time apparently because he was not used to being in Scourge LOL.

but anyway they managed to come up with a literally unstoppable draft - i guess unconventional heroes are not really advised in draft matches, unless you have some fool-proof way of executing the combo o_o

didn't get to talk much after that, as everybody quickly boarded their buses home before they possibly got drenched in the rain.. i ended up taking a one hour trip home alone, wet and sick.. haiz.

how to go to the gym on thursday? i need to catch up on physical exercise, no matter how busy i am.

looks like i'm going alone i think. Pal's got a new gym partner, so i think i'll have to do this on my own. (damn i just hope i don't have to resort to toning exercises) On top of that, he's got PE on thursday and NAFTA on saturday; i think it's best that i don't bother him and give him ample rest for his test.

oh damn. deep in thoughts again.

my mind never seems to rest.

anyone wants to gym with me then? thursday afternoon =/ if no response then of course it's gonna be a solo workout for me.
bah i'll be fine. just hoping that the barbell won't come crashing down on my face LOL.

if you want to be with someone, then enjoy every moment of it. be it in sorrow or in joy, the most important thing is that it leaves a smile on your face in the end.
don't make the same mistakes as i did =/ even though you may be feeling down, sometimes you really still have to try to prepare your heart, calibrate your mind and attitude. you don't want to be releasing your problems in the wrong manner, because a bad move will leave more scars.

one, which is the problem, is bad enough. try your very best not to incur more. address the issue, and not the person you're talking to. a kind listening ear doesn't owe you anything; it's the other way round dude.

Daddy God, i pray for the strength to carry on each day. it's burdensome, but help me to thank You just as much, every minute every second.

dear pal, i need a listening ear again.. i miss the strums of your guitar too.

OK I'M ALL GEARED UP!

CHSA DOTA CHALLENGE HERE WE GO!

Lone. Enigmatic. Ambivalent.

2008-04-13T08:57:00.000-07:00

Time has passed so quickly.

So much has happened.

Yet there is so much more to be ahead.

Looks like this post is inevitable.

My holidays have officially ended, when the minute hand struck midnight. Looking back into my life, i did a review through my mind on my way home from work. It's pretty much necessary to keep you in progress i think.

Some situations have changed, yet some have not. those around me have found new people, new loved ones to care and feel for. i did meet some new friends too, but things are still pretty much the same. Physically alone almost 24-7 literally. Sometimes i feel lonely, yet sometimes preoccupied by intentional distractions, or drowning myself into otiose music. Really, crowds don't dispel loneliness. only a heart of love can.

Isn't it nice when you have another person to hang out with, to play around, to work out, to think about at night, and just simply enjoying being with each other? Definitely feels wonderful. Seeing the ones that matter to me like this makes me feel at rest at least.

I'm really over jealousy. Haha really really. I've had my good times together too. Of course i hope for new love, and revived, proactive, lovely relationships, but i need to understand my basis of survival. Love is one thing, but survival is another. I've been living life financially independent and without a sugardaddy, or at least a responsible father; i ain't gonna let affairs of the heart bring me down. I can't. Mum needs me, and i have an eternal bond, a contract, to serve her till she leaves me.

Things may never turn out the way you want it to be, but i'll just accept it, and keep trying.

I think i've changed, and yet in some ways not either. well change is the only constant in life, yet also, what hurt leaves behind is nothing but permanent scars.

Talking about being weird. i think to find someone who could really love me deeply for the way i am is super duper hard to find. =/ Someone already mentioned that no words can describe me, which makes me complex i find.

a few things i know. i'm scarred. not just physically, but deep down inside too. though it doesn't really affects me, i find that it's just natural that people will be hesitant to approach you, and to be carefree with you. though i broke through from loving people beyond how they look like, i won't be expecting everyone else to do the same. not that i'm super ugly or what; it's inexplicable.

awkwardness becomes common when you hang out with a childhood-deprived acquaintance you know. trying to buck up on it seriously, so you guys will feel more comfortable, especially in joke-cracking.

Ambivalence. oh life is full of contradictions indeed. especially when it comes to the issue of fair or unfair love. true love is allowing yourself, literally, to be taken advantage of at your expense, the magnitude which affects you can be very devastating even.

"oh it's just not fair! he/she's always taking advantage of me" yadayadayada..

Hey. reality check. life is never fair.

but, why don't you make it a conviction, to make life fair for the one you love?

Ever since my mum crumbled, i made my conviction on the spot.

Ever since i met Ivan, i expanded my capacity by making the same conviction.

and even more, by doing whatever i can for everybody else.

My life had never been the same ever since i chose to live this way.

It has been driving me to the very limits, every now and then.

but when i give what i have to the one i love, i can feel a sense of fulfilment.

No i don't feel this way when i got for myself a new hairdo, contact lenses, shoes and apparel.
I'm still me. nothing changed.

This is just how love operates. Frankly if you want to talk about taking advantage, then i would say that i'm one of the greatest fools and victims in mankind's history. yea. that bad. People who just leave you, disappearing into thin air, after you've given your trust, time, effort and money.

i don't regret it. not at all. life's a gamble. just look at it this way.

don't get to be spoilt. it's ok. i'll still love and give.

don't get to spend time with mum all the time. it's ok. i'll still love and give.

my pal ain't even sure of who i really am in his life. it's ok. i'll still love and give.

i can't seem to change who i really am even when bad things happen.

it's just me. and i ain't giving up.

if this were to be DotA, I could be a Lone Druid, Enigma and Silencer man. Complex and contradicting, ostracized in a way, but always strong, and on the good side.

Live on, and love on with me.

They are the Champions.

2008-04-10T08:28:00.000-07:00

Woohoo!

Team Solaris has won the inter-house DotA competition this year round! A great cheers to them! they sure did us (Hitler Youths) proud indeed haha..

It was a clean sweep during the semi-finals, where the opposing team had a very awkward draft. thus, the low-hp Solaris team managed to pull off 2 godlikes, finishing with a score of 28-8.

However, the match against the disqualified finalists, team Aqua (or better known as Respar), was not an easy one. Solaris had to split up very badly due to faulty computers (CHSA DotA Challenge will make sure this doesn't happen), communication broke down, and lastly Respar had a better draft in the end.

They were disqualified simply because all the team members did not belong to the same house. but since they insisted on playing on for the fun of it, then so be it.

I will have to openly say that they have a serious lack of sportsmanship. yes, one of their players may be my friend, but that ain't stopping me from stating the truth of the matter. Taunting and pride irks people off, and more importantly disrupts concentration and morale of the opposing players. Such insensitivity is one of the major reasons for Solaris' defeat, but those who were there will explicitly know who fought like real champions.

finishing with a score of 34-19, the whole competition ended at around 7.30pm.

up next, would be another series of tournaments coming up next week. i really hope that i would be able to make it, for i want to give my friends the best of practical support. some friends say that "i'm always behind you!", but yet when you look back, they're so far away that you can't even see their silhouettes. i definitely don't want to be like such a friend of course.

it's definitely a dream come true to be participating in a DotA competition, but since it's not really gonna come to pass, might as well put in passion in encouraging your close ones who share the same dreams.

gonna take a break now. wearing contact lenses for the first day sure is taxing enough.

Real Beauty.

2008-04-09T09:34:00.000-07:00

I managed to catch the beginning episode of the 8th American's Next Top Model at 1 a.m. o_o

it's been quite some time i think, ever since season 7, an exciting battle between Caridee and Danielle.

Come to think of it, i really thought Caridee would succeed over Danielle, but i was wrong.

It was really the true beauty deep down inside of her, that Caridee couldn't match up to.

How should i explain it?

Danielle frankly is just an average looking girl with a skinny overall outlook; compared to Caridee, she is definitely unable to win her in that.

But Danielle had more than just fire that ignited so strongly within her. It was her everything revealed to it's fullest perfection.

i have to say that i'm amazed, at how such a person could bring so much life, energy and attraction in her photo shoots. The trainings, make-up, surgery and apparel enhanced what she had, and not cover up for what she didn't.

so the moral of the story is: you are beautiful. it's just how you're gonna bring it out to the max. some people just need a little help to express it out rightfully.

Many said that i'm dull, boring and know nothing much about fashion. but i really do beg to differ.

Fashion is one of my passions, not in terms of career, but more as a leisure. it's something i enjoy doing, being a trendsetter, instead of following behind. Initially i didn't start off really well in this area, but with more window shopping practices and online research, i started to get the hang of it pretty well.

it's not really shown on me, partly because i don't have a really good figure, and that i'm too small sized too. so i just decided to be casual, you know, the usual: black. (Noir in french F.Y.I.)
but of course i want to look good too. i'm working on my figure and saving a little for a new set of outfit every year. haha. a full outfit per year sounds pathetic, but personally i find it is suffice.

Like many designers and image consultants, i invest my dreams in living mannequins. mainly one (find out yourself) will tell you enough about my taste and style; trust me, if it ain't good, i will know it myself doubly confirmed, because he doesn't put on anything that is ugly :D hahaha..

it's just a double coincidence on my side that i do this for other people. i love the person, and i love to beautify, and so i beautify others. and it really works you know.. =/

He is really an average looking guy when i knew him a few years back. He wasn't doing very well financially at that time too, so i decided to share my blessings of material possessions with him. (of course i didn't just stop there.. there is definitely more to life than clothes!) i did give presents to many of my other friends too, just a little more, and a little better, for him haha. not because he is not well off, but because he is fabulous deep within. Je Ne Sais Quoi, i guess...

time passed, and he is more acceptive to new trends, and built up a pretty good figure too. definitely model material; you can see him looking better after each shot.. (guess he needs some assistance with photo-taking though. Self-taken portraits usually don't bring out everything in you because you're doing 2 things at once =/)

yea that's what i mean.. real beauty. any external improvements made just enhanced the radiance within, no matter who you are: student or supermodel.

*Caution: if you're ugly deep down inside, no matter how gorgeous or handsome you look on the outside, the slightest tinge of malice revealed will literally give everything away. it's important to deal with internal changes before thinking about dressing up.

i'm bad with some stuff. relationship flow, management at times, especially casuality and space.

i'm working hard on it everyday, hoping that the relationships in my life will improve.

but nonetheless, i still want to fulfill my passion for trendsetting.

Gonna turn fat Mushmum into a sexy lady plus size model =/

Gonna have a whole collection of top-notch, sharp, avant-garde matched outfits. Why stop only at a few? -_- literally so many clothes produced in this world; someone's gotta put them on..

Need help with a picture? can always ask me.. i'll put you in the best pose ever hahaha..

think i need help for mine la. lousy multi-tasker.

time for bed after a long day's work.. DotA competition later on ^^ it's gonna be exciting.

The Noose

2008-04-08T05:24:00.000-07:00

I had received quite alot of verbal mail recently..

First up congrats to Team Solaris in their first victory! Led by Ivan and Hong Jie of course..
Playing 2 more matches on Thursday, such an exciting experience shouldn't be missed ^^

Next, we've got lots of April babies too, including my mum.. wishing all April friends a happy happy birthday haha..

School's starting next week too! Zzz goodbye my holidays.. gonna be my school-work mode again -_- life is back to the uber busy state.
Eh? actually i think it has always been busy..

Oh yes any juniors going to SB apart from Wei Da? Feel free to contact me haha..

Looking for a cheap place to print t-shirts, posters and fliers too.

ok back to DotA. i'll leave all the thinking behind for once.

A very intriguing day.

2008-04-07T05:26:00.000-07:00

Oh my gosh i really need to blog my brains out today.

too many people have got me thinking! =_= frills up my brows literally..

Firstly, is my customer experience today at work..

i met a Russian lady, pretty paunchy in size, as she strolled into the store. i wasn't attending to her until i was told to, for i was busy previously. i came to realise that she didn't understand a single word i said after she babbled to me in a gibberish tongue after i greeted her. -_-

it was hard. no flow at all. zilch.

both of us just sighed after attempting to explain to each other that we couldn't understand what we were speaking. dumb right?

but something in her kept me going, and not to give up. it wasn't her look of distress, but the smile after the frown. i smiled back, and thought of other primitive means of communication.

sign language and Pictionary helped alot alot.. we had so much fun picking clothes and matching them without the use of words, apart from the occasional "ok" and "no ok".. =) there were still hiccups along the way, but she didn't give up, and neither did i. then came to changing her US dollar bills to our currency, and she actually trusted me with her money to change it for her! no customer in the history of Adidas Vivocity has been like her! it was 600 USD for goodness sake, and she smiled, waved her hand along, hurrying me in her language.

she spent a lofty 714 dollars solely on apparel, and even gave me tips! (wasn't supposed to accept any actually, but she couldn't understand a single word of my explanation regarding our policy.. oh well) i couldn't thank this lady enough, for she had brightened my day indeed. this is one unique encounter i will never forget, and on top of that, what she had done has been keeping me in deep thoughts.. (which is why i need to blog my brains out -_-)

I'll vomit my thoughts out later.. hold on..

the next thing was Ivan's shoutout on Friendster.. i had to add new friends and i just came across his new pictures (seems to be getting better after each shot huh =/) and his shoutout.. ok my mind started to churn over what he has said..

"I just realised the magnitude of something. I saw someone repeating "You've changed". Not to me, but to others. I didn't think much about it. But after some thinking... People really do change. Change is the only constant thing in life eh...?"

Then lastly, unexpectedly again, is one of my long lost buddies and SP junior now, Wei Da.

there, on his MSN nickname, wrote: "take the pain out of love, then the love won't exist."

ARGH..!! exploded.

*7 Hours Later..*

okay. fresh awake. but clean forgotten about how to express myself in words.

can a kind soul lend me a listening ear? thanks =/

Don't give up on your faith

Love comes to those who believe it

And that's the way it is

Celine Dion

That's the way it is

Cat Fight!

2008-04-04T22:58:00.001-07:00

Hey guys i actually had this idea brewing in my mind for quite some time.. Give me your views on this? Lol..

CHSA DotA CHallenge Mini-Event: Cat Fight!

-15 Ladies stand in line to be chosen-

Shendelzare Silkwood
Mortred
Aiushtha
Mirana Nightshade
Lanaya
Lina Inverse
Rylai Crestfall
Akasha
Slithice
Medusa
Luna Moonfang
Traxex
Mercurial
Broodmother? (still a female=/)
Krobelus (the old hag =/)

which team of babes will reign over the other?

a battle not of braun, but of brains and dexterity.

More than just nice racks and sexy teaming; truly a mind-blowing experience that leaves you thirsty for more xD

Sounds funny lol.. but editing will be done la..

so what do you guys think of this? drop me comments haha

Black-listed

2008-04-03T20:05:00.000-07:00

my my.. someone just told me that i was blacklisted in someone else's life.

held top few for negative impression?

i've got a big hunch it's my 1% sense of humour.

nah, it's more than just that.

well. that's life you see. you can't have everybody liking or loving you the way you are all the time.

if you think that i'm nice, thank you for the compliment.

if you think that i'm not, thank you still, for your utmost honesty. it's very much appreciated.

personally, i am acceptive of everyone. hey, who am i, to judge one's character?

i believe everyone's unique, and i love them because of this one thing.

yes, flaws can be seen here and there, but i'll do what i can as a friend to take away that mismatch that was never meant to be there.

you're beautiful, and you shouldn't be making ugly things a part of you.

sometimes, i do wonder who i am in people's lives.

the saddest thing of course, is to be blacklisted subtlely by someone you would least expect.

but yet again, that is life.

yet another beautiful thing would be that despite how ugly you are on the inside, someone comes up to you and says: " I don't like you; I love you."

that, is a love so true.

i do feel this way very strongly for some people.

or at least i once did.

time and time again.

though i'm forever meant to be far away, just watching from a distance, i will admire the scenery so warm and sweet.

Hey, don't put yourself so low in front of others when you have no reason to do so haha.

if your life is blessed and fortunate, speak of it. your adventures are more worth listening than baseless demeaning.

then what about me? um.. frankly i'm not very fortunate at this point of time (actually it has always been this way since P3 huh)

is that an understatement? i'm not so sure. but most assuredly, i am fighting the battle to find at least one good thing to thank Daddy God for everyday.

lol. talking about this topic, i think it's best not to put my name down on any kind of lists..

i'll literally bleach it black.

okok that was so not funny.

trying to be a better man each day.

i don't know what to hope for, but won't it be nice if someone told you simply so, that he/she loves you?

beautiful things i'm looking at everyday.

thanks, to all who said that they do, whether now, or back then.

at least i know, that i was once loved.

Something profound from my mum?!?

2008-03-31T05:51:00.001-07:00

(Translated a little here and there..)

"Aiyoh, don't take it to heart la.. there's no beginning, and there ain't gonna be an end either.. because everything is up to you to decide.. you can't have everybody loving or liking you you know.. just like your mum here.."

not sure what else she said, but that was more than enough to keep my engines running up there.. she didn't even exaclty know what happened.

but come to think of it, is there really a beginning to friendship?

is there a beginning to love, disregarding its forms?

everything is up to you to decide. the power of choice, literally..

if you choose to open, something begins.

if you choose to close, everything ends.

if you choose to start all over, it really starts all over again, afresh..

if you choose to love, you'll really really love.

Haiz.. to think i could give my mind a break after a busy shift.

but people matters require more than just 1 decision.

zomg la. 1st time ever that my mum blew my mind away.

recollecting back the blown pieces and fixing them back now -_-

Life.

2008-03-29T22:05:00.000-07:00

No emo, no happy.
No suffering, no gratification.
No challenges, no achievement.
No turbulence, no friendship.

Very intriguing quote from Josiah..

i'm sorry people. don't have the strength to type my own stuff, so maybe we can appreciate the works of others..

A life of ambivalence.

Beautiful Birthday

2008-03-28T02:27:00.000-07:00

Wee~ my mum's birthday is approaching!

I'm so excited and looking forward into it; I've actually bought her presentS beforehand also haha.

too bad i had to shop on my own.. Ivan had to spend time with his kors, so can't meet me up.. if he were to, he'd be dead beat already =/

but anyway, i got her 2 presents, cuz i felt that her presents previously were not exactly very good -_- what a bad son i was..

it's really not so nice when you get someone else an ok-ok present.. it's just not heartwarming and fulfilling. i didn't budget for her, but this time i'm not allowing the same mistake to happen =D

so i bought her a pair of new shoes from Stella McCartney's training range ^^

and, a white Sports Heritage jacket (but Rong Rong gave me one size smaller; oh well, i guess it's time for my mum to SLIM DOWN =X)

all in total it didn't cost as much as i expected, as i have special privileges ^^ but it's still very expensive -_- a huge portion of my pay, gone~

but that's love. and you gotta budget for it. and that, is being responsible. ^^

i enjoy doing this though. it's taxing, tedious and tiring, but it's a beautiful thing.

hmmm... Ivan said it's not wrong to hope to be treated better leh.. =/ i wonder when will it be my turn =( oh well. that's life.

though i'm already used to a life like this for the moment, i hope once again that the people in whom i love, those around me, will never make it remain the same..

Happy Birthday Mummy! xD

She's one of the greatest women living on this earth ever, and amen to that.
(if you've read my previous posts, you'll know what i mean =/)

hmm time for dinner, got to go soon as well..

Stay tuned to the 3rd Annual CHSA DotA Challenge '08!

LeNoir signing off

Memory Lane, listening to my heart.

2008-03-26T01:27:00.000-07:00

Tattoo - Jordin Sparks

Oh, oh, oh
No matter what you say about love
I keep coming back for more
Keep my hand in the fireSooner or later,
I'll get what I'm asking for

No matter what you say about life
I learn every time I bleed
That truth is a stranger
Soul is in danger, I gotta let my spirit be free
To admit that I'm wrong
And then change my mind
Sorry but I have to move on
And leave you behind

[Chorus]I can't waste time so give it a moment
I realize, nothing's brokenNo need to worry 'bout everything I've done
Live every second like it was my last one
Don't look back at a new direction
I loved you once, needed protection
You're still a part of everything I do
You're on my heart just like a tattoo

(Just like a tattoo, I'll always have youI'll always have you, I'll always have you)
I'm sick of playing all of these games
It's not about taking sides
When I looked in the mirror, didn't deliver
It hurt enough to think that I could
Stop, admit that I'm wrong
And then change my mind
Sorry but I gotta be strong
And leave you behind

[Chorus]

(Just like a tattoo, I'll always have youI'll always have you)

[Bridge]If I live every moment
Won't change any moment
Still a part of me and you
I will never regret you
Still the memory of you
Marks everything i do

[Chorus x2]
Just like a tattooI'll always have you

Feels Like Tonight - Chris Daughtry

You, you got me
Thinking it'll be alright.
You, you told me,
"Come and take a look inside."
You believed me, In every single lie.
But I, I failed you this time.

And it feels like tonight.
I can't believe I'm broken inside.
Can't you see that there's nothing that I wanna do,
But try to make it up to you?
And it feels like tonight,
Tonight.

I was waiting
For the day you'd come around.
I was chasing,
And nothing was all I found.
From the moment you came into my life,
You showed me what's right.

And it feels like tonight.
I can't believe I'm broken inside.
Can't you see that there's nothing that I wanna do,
But try to make it up to you?
And it feels like tonight.

I never felt like this before.
Just when I leave, I'm back for more.
Nothing else here seems to matter.
In these ever-changing days,
You're the one thing that remains.
I could stay like this forever.

And it feels like tonight.
I can't believe I'm broken inside.
Can't you see that there's nothing that I wanna do,
But try to make it up to you?
And it feels like tonight.
Tonight.
Tonight.
'Cause there's nothing that I wanna do,
But try to make it up to you.
And it feels like tonight.
Tonight

Busy Busy Busy also!

2008-03-22T21:09:00.001-07:00

Hey guys,

sorry i haven't been posting recently.. i've been busy with easter, baking ROCK-HARD cookies so to speak (but they still say it's nice lol... i'll work on it)

yet again, though another week, so many many things have happened.

hm, no time to talk about it for now.

my blog in under maintenance as you can see.. the pictures of me the zombie and Ivan are gone... tagboard also -_- quite in a mess for now, but i guess Yao Wen will need more time to edit it.. thanks Yao Wen anyway haha..

Mum's birthday is coming!!! I'm thinking of getting something for her from Stella McCartney (well since i work at Adidas, i'm able to get designer goods at a good price.. shouldn't miss the opportunity). now i'm considering to pool this present with Michael or not, but most probably i'm going to have to pay this huge gift myself.. i really hope she'll like it haha.

Watch out for the next few posts guys!

more real-life dramas enacted out in my blog once again.

dramatic, but real. haha. and i hope you guys enjoyed it.

ok got to go.. blog later

Wow the World is SO SMALL

2008-03-17T08:37:00.000-07:00

HAHA.

This world is damn small!

Jasper is not just any guy i met on the net man.

He is a 16 year-old, CHC choir member, and PCGL zomg!!!

And he is Yao Wen's best choir buddy too!!! hahahahaha

it's seriously so coincidental, but i guess this is God's way of remaining anonymous.

though he is young, he sure packs a punch!

but one thing i know, the struggles of being a disciple of God are but common, and you're not the only the only one who is going through hell or high water.

it's time to unite, to stand firm, to go through life together as one.

love, you have freely received, love, you shall freely give.

Spur on, my fellow brethren! don't give up!

One choice. One lie.

2008-03-16T10:31:00.000-07:00

Hey guys, looks like i haven't got down into business haha..

busy with work, church and lots of friends =/ hardly any time to blog..

but as i have promised, i created this blog for all my friends and loved ones out there, those who want to know about me and my life. there are so so so so so so so so many things that have been kept unsaid to so many, because of various reasons, but nah no excuse here now haha..

many would know that i hate lies. i hate lying. i do not like people to lie (but that doesn't mean i don't love the person who lied =/) and i have a disability to lie. i just can't speak a lie literally. haha. when i come up with a fake story, it's so damn obvious. i think i did get away with some polka-dotted lies, like lying to others that i'm ok when i'm not, and lying to myself LOL (if i ever lied to anyone before please forgive me >.< because i seriously did not mean it or cannot remember at all), but if anything regards to someone else, be it stranger or my most beloved, i would ground myself never to lie, even at the expense of my very life.

Why so? some people asked. "it's only a lie man! you don't have to be so serious about this haha."

the answer is because my life had taken a downward plunge, because of this one lie.

"ouch!" my dad accidentally stepped on my head as i was already fast asleep on the mattress. his drunken stupor had awakened me, but i couldn't be bothered about a loveless father, so i tried to get myself back to sleep.

Mum didn't sleep at all. No, not even a second of shut-eye. it was 2am in the morning. she had been waiting for him all the while.

Mum started to whisper to dad, asking him where he had been for the whole night, not wanting to startle my little brother and i, but i was wide awake, listening intently to mum's broken voice.

something was wrong.

lipstick on dad's collar. perfume over his shoulders. the musk of alcohol couldn't cover up the vile, sweet scent of another lady.

"who is she?!" mum started to raise her voice. it seemed as though it was the fifth time she asked him that same question.

i started to cry. weeping silently, hiding next to the spring bed, thoughts of confusion and fear drowned me. "why, why is this happening to my family?! dad just tell the truth! please!"

"i already said she's just another client! she was drunk and i sent her home!" he shouted this time. Little brother nudged and tossed for a few seconds, but was still fast asleep.

i was so afraid, and i cried even harder, yet unable to make a sound. Mum was crying. sobbing. so hard. so painfully. so badly. i couldn't say a thing at all. i just froze at that lying position, soaking my soft pillow with tears.

Mum decided to forgive dad, to forget the whole damn issue, on one condition that he would never look for her ever again. A cold, harsh and loveless response, was what mum had earned after such a heartbreak. he went to shower. i stood up and looked at mum in the eyes.

through the darkness, i saw her eyes. though shortsighted, i could see the gleam of pain bleeding down her cheeks.

"Henry, pretend you never heard anything tonight. Don't even talk about it. Do you understand me? Now go back to sleep."

i nodded immediately out of obedience, and plopped into my mattress, hiding myself under the quilt. i couldn't even give my mum a hug.

i was 9. Mike was only 7. Lyn wasn't even conceived at that time.

I thought life would be back to normal, the usual family outings and dinners, where i'll stick to mum and Mike to dad; though as cold as ice it has always been between my dad and i, i didn't mind, because at least my family was complete.

but not long after, he made his choice.

to love another woman above my mum.

to break the eternal bond that God had once ordained to be as one.

to break mum's promise.

to break mum's unconditional love for the man in whom she loved the most.

to break everything. everything.

the irresponsibility of one man, is unimaginably devastative.

she did whatever she could to win her first love once again.

that 4-digit Tag Heuer watch, her savings, even another intimate encounter to conceive one more child, in hope that his heart would be moved by her once again.

it was all futile. his choice had already been made.

Mum was so skinny. so pale. so ruined.

Nothing but hatred burned deep inside of me. Hatred so pure that i could've easily stab the heart of this man with a kitchen knife.

the only that stopped me from doing it is that mum loves him so much.

this double life continued for another 6 years, even after Lyn was born.

as the 3 of us grew up together, we have witnessed the quarrels and the fights.

few years, shortly after, they just went insane.

mum got scolded for being a fucking bitch, and was told to fucking shut up.

out of uncontrollable rage, she screamed back and bludgeoned him until he was bruised all over.

i glared at him as he hopelessly knelt on the floor. Lyn and Mike hugged me tight, crying, scared.

i carried them to my room, and hid together under the study table, covering their ears.

he left the house for several days before he came back, occasionally when mum was out working.

the heat dispersed, subsequently turning into the chilling frost of separation.

2004 marked the official ending of what had already demised so many years back.

Just that we needed time to do the documentation.

Just that we needed time to settle custody issues.

Just that we needed to save up enough cash to file a divorce.

Just that mum had kept trying, despite knowing that it was futile.

Just that mum had kept hoping, despite knowing that is was hopeless.

Whenever March falls, i would be reminded of whatever that had happened. though i do not hate anymore, i'm unable to feel a single tinge of love for him. A father by blood, by surname. Period.

I don't have an earthly dad.

i don't expect Lyn and Mike to comprehend and see things from my perspective, for they are dad's favourites, doted upon very much, and they were also too young to understand what had happened back then.

I really feel sorry for Lyn, because i don't know how she's going to react next time when she grows up, knowing that she had been conceived because of the attempt to save a marriage. yet no matter, no matter how spoilt or obnoxious she is, i believe her presence in this life is not a mistake. i will not allow that to happen.

okay i think i should stop here for now. it's a very very long post already haha.

of course there are crazier things that happened apart from this, but it's impossible to type it all out in a night =_=

moral of the story?

don't lie.

don't use profanities as well. please. you haven't seen the brutality and damage it can cause to a person. (people who often use vulgarities have very limited vocabulary too.)

please forgive me for the usage of the "F" word here. but i guess i had to in order to bring out the scenario in its truest form.

Love is a will, not an emotion. if it were emotion, then marriages will never stand strong at all. because the loving feeling can and will fade.

no matter what kind of love it is, don't give up on it. stand strong on hope, but move in wisdom as well.

i didn't love those around me because i feel comfortable with them or i simply just like them. i chose to love, and because i did, the emotions and everything else just came along with it.

my mission in life is to love, and to love even more each day. your joy is the greatest gift i can ever receive. i can't bear to see a broken heart.

don't be afraid to love. don't be afraid to confess that you want to be loved. take your chance before it fades away. time and tide wait for no man.

mum's leaving for overseas work again. won't be seeing her for so long this year again. whenever i'm home, she's asleep. whenever she's home, i'm out working.

I'm so gonna get a nice shoe for mum for her birthday! her old one is so worn out now.

i hope i could hug her once again, and tell that i really really love her too.

i hope she won't ask me to be strong and not to be dependent on her and stuff like that again. just once more, to be a little child in a mum's loving embrace. i really need it haha..

a child of fornication i may be, a divorced family i may have come from, a father's love i may lack, but it doesn't matter now.

Daddy God loves me, and many many people around me too =)

and i love God, and these people very much too.

Man, a hug from a lovely friend would be nice haha..

ok ok i gotta end here. catch some shut eye and off to work.

Scars, make us stronger for life. (Corrinne May)

Everything's A.O.K.

2008-03-11T07:55:00.000-07:00

everything is gonna be alright.

Henry will be back to his cold-joking, uber-generous, and smiley self in a moment's time.

not hoping, not expecting.

just living in the now.

=)

don't think about myself, and wish only the best for those that i love.

guys help me by reminding haha.

punch
kick
slap
scold

or

hug
kiss
shoulder
lean over

to remind me this very important thing yea?

Weee~~ i'm going crazy.. haha..

Pain is the new ecstasy in town dude.

enjoy every moment of it. ^^

Living in the Shadow of Love

2008-03-09T08:44:00.000-07:00

LOVE, an eternal flame, that keeps two warm and fuzzy, burning on with joy, peace and hope.

but when it is left alone, it consumes every part of you, incinerating to your very bone, burning your life out with pain, sorrow and torment.

my love has been left alone, far too long.

through the eyes of love, i have seen too much that do not rightfully belong to me.

"but hey, it's just hope," i said to myself.

sounds more and more to me, like wishful thinking.

if i were told not to give up, not to let go, what do i hold on to?

too many holes, scars, and wounds on my heart.

can't stop bleeding love, no one willing to heal the hurt.

i gave what i needed most, everything, even my life,

to anyone and everyone i possibly could, to prevent unnecessary pain in another heart.

i chose to commit to one in whom i love the very most, desiring to see the jovial smile in his face.

i saw the smile.

i am glad that i did.

but as tears flow down my very cheeks, i hear the shattering within me.

the reason for his joy was someone else.

knowing him for so long, i do understand it all.

they had a double coincidence, we didn't.

smooth sailing so far, whilst i gave nothing more than bullshit.

yes it's a few years compared to less then a month or so.

but am i just fated to be a spiritual companion?

am i fated to be disqualified from being the loving, embracing brother?

hoping, despite knowing that it's hopeless?

doing things, despite knowing that it's futile?

i know where i stand, but yet that's not where i hoped i would be.

i know how much i mean to you, but that's not how i hoped i would mean.

but yet again, like you said, life is not about me. Pronto.

it's about the people around you.

in my world, is you. literally the world to me.

no matter how i am treated by you, i will not break my promise to serve you all the days of my life.

to lay down my life, to bite the bullet.

to lift you up when you're down, to pull you through when you're worn out.

the only reason why, i'll only answer, is because i truly love you so.

may be too serious a personality, but still a man of my word.

may not be good looking at all, but still staying as true as the blue waters.

may not be significant in any way, but still loyal and faithful as a pet dog.

you look great when you're with your big bro, much better than when you're with me.

i guess the picture was meant to be that way, and not anyone else.

i like it alot, and i pray that it will grow, last and pull through eternity.

it's really better off that way, when natural chemistry just blends love together easily.

unlike the unstable concoction, with an eternally cursed man.

i hate to say this, but that's how life is anyway, for me that is.

things never work out the way you would at least hope it would be.

no, not once.

whenever i thought that was going to be it, it deferred, delayed, never come to pass so suddenly.

so sick and tired of feeling sick.

but i'm already used to it.

the incurable cancer of the heart, and daily pain is what i feed on.

to stand tall, to cling on to fading hope, to survive another day.

i am content enough, to move on from here.

you shared moments of good and bad with me.

we went through lots of thick and thin.

i've seen your tears, your beautiful eyes.

your embrace i've felt, the warmth of your shoulder next to mine.

though a voice inside of me rails not to lie to myself,

i'd rather choose to do that, than to hurt everybody else.

enough of my shit.

enough of my nonsense.

enough of my rampage.

enough.

now my old hopes, also known as wishful thinking, i shall put away.

the kiss i want to give you, that i long to have, i throw it away.

the kind of intimate embrace i long to give, i yearn so deep, i discard it as well.

give me time.

and i will be the one in whom you want me to be.

i pray for the best of blessings to come into your life, especially with your new bro.

that this eternal flame, kindled so bright, will never die.

drifting into oblivion, the boulevard of broken dreams, i shall dwell.

standing gaurd at the door of your heart, sleepless, ever vigilant.

darkness, i guess, is where i'm destined to be.

living in the shadow of my love.

Dedicated to LeBlanc, Ivan
God bless Baldovin, my friends and all the broken out there.

Typical Sunday

2008-03-08T20:41:00.000-08:00

Dark clouds loomed over the sky as I awoke from my not so good slumber (my mind was super active..don't know why): tanning and gym had to be postponed AGAIN.. sian. My dear pal got his tan with his kor yesterday and had a long long sleep.. =( i feel nothing but sian-ed.

Then came 2 DotA games.. Pretty exciting, and fulfilling owning them and in return they spam profanities back at you.. haha. Sadistic.

Next I have to meet Kenneth (super "por" Godbro of Ivan) because he wanted to play DotA so badly that he spammed me on msn with "PLSSSS" and i couldn't take it anymore.. -_-

After passing him the soft copy of WC3, I'm off to work again.. BORING. Someone patronize me and make my day hahaha..

Oh damn I really want to get a good tan again!! My brown is fading fast.. Oh God bake me under Your lovely sunlight please (ok that's extreme)..

I wanna go out with my own Kor also lor.. T_T

Kk got to go, blog later..

*Hey those with blogs leave me an offline message on MSN? Let me add you haha thanks..

The First Time

2008-03-08T07:10:00.000-08:00

Hi guys,

this is the first time I'm blogging in my whole life.
Initially i didn't like the idea of writing a public journal, but i guess it has its own conveniences too haha..

Slacking of proper vocabulary for now..

I have lots of stuff to publicise about, apart from my own personal space.

First up, the 3rd Annual DotA Competition, now organised by the CHSA, who are my fellow buddies and I..
They used to be small intra-school competitions with small prizes (though fully sponsored by myself T_T); those were the pretty exciting times as well..
Now, it's going inter-school.. so all CHS, CHSA, and other schools and colleges will be welcomed to take part in this event. The prizes, location and time are to be confirmed for now, because I need to collate the total response rates. The registration fee per head would depend though, in a range between 6 to 8 dollars only. It will be 8 if I cannot get subsidies for the gaming location and prizes, which would be improbable, if the expected turn out rate is really good haha..

So all CHSA and friends, help me out yea? Thanks so much..

Next, as you know I am currently working at Adidas, staff discount is my bonus so to speak.

Haha.. I don't have to elaborate further. I will update on new arrivals frequently.

See anything you like? Let me know.. Up to 25% off.. Shhh.. Please keep this privilege to yourself.. Haha.

Lastly, I guess it's about time for me to open up?

I can't be sociable yet enigmatic can I?

Hmm.. Off to my own thoughts.