Living in the Shadow of Love

LOVE, an eternal flame, that keeps two warm and fuzzy, burning on with joy, peace and hope.



but when it is left alone, it consumes every part of you, incinerating to your very bone, burning your life out with pain, sorrow and torment.



my love has been left alone, far too long.



through the eyes of love, i have seen too much that do not rightfully belong to me.



"but hey, it's just hope," i said to myself.



sounds more and more to me, like wishful thinking.



if i were told not to give up, not to let go, what do i hold on to?



too many holes, scars, and wounds on my heart.



can't stop bleeding love, no one willing to heal the hurt.



i gave what i needed most, everything, even my life,



to anyone and everyone i possibly could, to prevent unnecessary pain in another heart.



i chose to commit to one in whom i love the very most, desiring to see the jovial smile in his face.







i saw the smile.



i am glad that i did.



but as tears flow down my very cheeks, i hear the shattering within me.



the reason for his joy was someone else.







knowing him for so long, i do understand it all.



they had a double coincidence, we didn't.



smooth sailing so far, whilst i gave nothing more than bullshit.



yes it's a few years compared to less then a month or so.



but am i just fated to be a spiritual companion?



am i fated to be disqualified from being the loving, embracing brother?



hoping, despite knowing that it's hopeless?



doing things, despite knowing that it's futile?





i know where i stand, but yet that's not where i hoped i would be.



i know how much i mean to you, but that's not how i hoped i would mean.



but yet again, like you said, life is not about me. Pronto.



it's about the people around you.



in my world, is you. literally the world to me.



no matter how i am treated by you, i will not break my promise to serve you all the days of my life.



to lay down my life, to bite the bullet.


to lift you up when you're down, to pull you through when you're worn out.


the only reason why, i'll only answer, is because i truly love you so.


may be too serious a personality, but still a man of my word.


may not be good looking at all, but still staying as true as the blue waters.


may not be significant in any way, but still loyal and faithful as a pet dog.


you look great when you're with your big bro, much better than when you're with me.


i guess the picture was meant to be that way, and not anyone else.


i like it alot, and i pray that it will grow, last and pull through eternity.


it's really better off that way, when natural chemistry just blends love together easily.


unlike the unstable concoction, with an eternally cursed man.


i hate to say this, but that's how life is anyway, for me that is.


things never work out the way you would at least hope it would be.


no, not once.


whenever i thought that was going to be it, it deferred, delayed, never come to pass so suddenly.


so sick and tired of feeling sick.


but i'm already used to it.


the incurable cancer of the heart, and daily pain is what i feed on.


to stand tall, to cling on to fading hope, to survive another day.


i am content enough, to move on from here.


you shared moments of good and bad with me.


we went through lots of thick and thin.


i've seen your tears, your beautiful eyes.


your embrace i've felt, the warmth of your shoulder next to mine.


though a voice inside of me rails not to lie to myself,


i'd rather choose to do that, than to hurt everybody else.


enough of my shit.


enough of my nonsense.


enough of my rampage.


enough.


now my old hopes, also known as wishful thinking, i shall put away.


the kiss i want to give you, that i long to have, i throw it away.


the kind of intimate embrace i long to give, i yearn so deep, i discard it as well.


give me time.


and i will be the one in whom you want me to be.


i pray for the best of blessings to come into your life, especially with your new bro.


that this eternal flame, kindled so bright, will never die.


drifting into oblivion, the boulevard of broken dreams, i shall dwell.


standing gaurd at the door of your heart, sleepless, ever vigilant.


darkness, i guess, is where i'm destined to be.


living in the shadow of my love.


Dedicated to LeBlanc, Ivan
God bless Baldovin, my friends and all the broken out there.