Strength.

Service yesterday was remarkable, and remarkably painful too.

I told myself not to be emotional, but to stand strong and to live on positive and head up.

Thoughts just entered my mind without permission.

My mum. My grandmothers. My siblings and cousins. Reunion dinner. What he had done to my family and i.

I couldn't hold on at all. the stronger i resisted, the greater the pain. i don't understand why either though.

i didn't lift my hands when pastor asked if we loved our dads. i didn't tell my neighbours left and right that i'll be a blessing to him today. People had gifts, cards, coffee and cookies for them, but even if i had any i don't have a dad to give to. Pastor's sermon was excellent, but yet somehow didn't apply for me at all.

Not that i didn't want a father, but he was the one who didn't want me in the first place. what can i do? so be it. thus neither would i desire to have one.

I was just left standing alone right there and then, after the service, wishing that i could just hug someone to ease the pain i have been withholding deep within.

Things never did work out in the ways you wanted it to be from the very beginning. So i just dried my tears, locked my eyes with a glare confidently, and told myself that i'm stronger than what people would think. there are some things in life that i don't necessarily need, even love, and whatever that kind of love may be.

Sounds over the wall or cocky? a little. But it's better than emo-ing my way through life.

I'm still waiting for the day when someone would prove me wrong. so wrong.

Man needs food and water to survive, but man needs love to live.

Love is not a chance, but a choice.

i know all this head knowledge. i've been applying them as much as i can.

that's all that i need to know. the results are beyond my control.

the initial startup of being happy wasn't too good, but it all went well during the course of celebrating Steve's birthday. he sure is a super chocolate fanatic. >.>

Once again, happy father's day to all.