Bleak.

Entrepreneurship Selection, fail.

Dota Challenge, fail.

Everything else, as good as dead.





there's nothing more that i want, or that i can say.

as if you'd take heed, as if you'd care.




If we are empowered by our dear God to love, filled to the brim with His love so we can empty, give it to the ones around us,

then why do you even have to try so hard?




maybe you're right. it could be just me, too complicated, too hard to comprehend, enigmatic, warped way of thinking.

is that a mistake, that God made something out of nothing deep inside of me?

a passion that grew for someone from the fire for God and evangelism that is mistaken?




nah can't be bothered.

why type so much on a blog entry?

As bleak as life can be right now,

i'll find my own way.

Possibility.

time is always on the constant run.

but my life is somehow coming to a halt from the increasing weight.

looks like the DotA competition really is gonna flop again this year. sigh.

i've checked out the registration for Garena's Singapore Tournament, and it barely had two teams registered.

my poster ain't even done up. well no one to blame but me. just me.

i can't even think of a name for a clan if we're ever gonna have one.

i want to have one.

i thank God for DotA, for one major reason: it brought my friends together just when i thought they're all gone.

and somehow this is the dream that i wish to have, and a pretty convenient one too. being there without really being there, and making it big in the competitive gaming world.

can this really happen?



i went for the Entrepreneurship Concentration selection interview, alone yesterday.

looks like the chances of being selected will be high, looking at the poor response rate.

many who were interested turned away to Business Development Project, not wanting to risk their future on something so volatile, so dangerous, so much more demanding of you.

but it's what i wanna do. it's what i've always wanted to do.

it's the thing that can change my life, my family from the moment of its breakthrough.

inspired and inspired again and again.

but can i really do this?

can i really do all this?

is it gonna be just me? even if so, can one man, just one man alone make the defining cut?

thinking. and thinking.

the wait for next wednesday begins.

Darkterror.

Another nightmare.

all i saw was hatred, bitterness, anger, the loss of everything beautiful.

the cold and icy environment.

all i see are tears, if not rage on the looks of their faces.



Dear God, won't you lend me your shoulders just this once?

to hide under the shelter of your wings,

away from the terror of the night.

if it's ever impossible,

won't you send someone, a pair of shoulders you could borrow...

Iron.

stuck in between once again eh?

between a couple and their affairs.

between sickness and covering up for someone else's shift.

between the things that i need to do to the things that i have to do right there and then.

between two opposing deviations that came from one original source.

somehow i just can't help but to feel how horrible life is.

had someone else's wrong choices influenced me to do the same?

what i had perceived as right doesn't appear this way now, more than ever as time phases by.



i want to lead a simple, happy life; my close friends and i, carefree up above the sky.

sadly it's just a daydream.

life really can be as complicated as it can get.

LeNoir is now a Night Stalker - he slumbers in the day, in lectures and tutorials; no one cares about the Night Stalker in the day.

He is well awake and empowered when night falls. Farming on teacups and saucers for gold, and then crushing noobs in the virtual world.



just some ranting from a DotA fanatic. sounds weird i know..

i just wish my teddy bear can come alive and talk to me sometimes.. it's tiring and boring to talk for him.

iron. strength. that's what i need now.

not irony.