Afraid.

Haven't really got the mood to blog recently..



well yeah, ain't feeling that great.



i just realised that although i've been telling those around me not to be plastic and just be frank about how they feel etc., i ain't really doing that myself.



the smile i'm wearing is but a disguise, to just hide the things that are inside.



not that i don't wanna share, but honestly i'm afraid.. yeah.

Afraid that i'll get hurt again. though it sounds illogical in a way, but maybe you could just take it that i myself, don't trust people anymore.

though i was taught to live by faith and not by fear, somehow reality check deems this naive.

i really just wonder, if it's my fault that life is as it is now.

picking up from mistakes, starting all anew, seems to be just another mistake.

i don't understand.

i don't know why.

no matter what i've done, big or small, hasn't changed this life one bit. someone once said that change begins from your mind; i guess i need to experiment with a thousand changes before i can see a different result.

God, if there's anything i want for my birthday from You, it's a miracle that i want.

People out there, if there's anything i want for my birthday from you, it's your honesty. don't have to throw a big hoo-ha party or whatever nots, because i'm more interested in being treated as how he/she truly feels deep down inside.

i don't even need a celebration, much less to say presents. somehow all of these don't seem to matter to me.

Yes of course i want to have a close friend, buddy or whatever you guys call yours. that is beyond my control though.

A true friend, a true friend who cares. Hmm, wishful thinking, or is it not?

why don't you tell me instead.

For those who feel sick and tired of reading my blog because it's not very colourful but instead very black, i suggest that you should discontinue visiting this site, lest your day be spoilt. but bear one thing in mind, not everybody's life is as fortunate as yours. so just cherish all the sweet stuff that you have right now, put your attention on them, and keep the cynical comments to yourself. thanks ah.




People mess up not because they're evil, but because they are frail.

Even if the whole world doesn't even give a damn about your love in words or actions,
love them anyway.
Ultimately this is between you and God,
not you and them.

DotA Faction

Hey Catholic High Alumni and Juniors,

I was wondering if it would be a good idea to have our very own school faction for cybergames, especially DotA.

DotA is not just any Warcraft custom game; it is the very pride of our alma mater in our local and regional community. Many top notch players representing various national and international teams come from this school alone.

I'm not at that level yet i suppose, but it is one of my greatest hobbies and interests. apart from that, i am surrounded by the elites (some of the best players are friends you see) and i'm inspired by them greatly indeed.

I may not play as well as they do, but i can organise stuff to create excitement in life. =/



Using MIRC, we can unite as a school, a team, virtually online to socialise, spar and practise for competitions. Also, in-house or small public events will be better notified to the whole school and thus turn-up rates would be better.

These are some of the stepping stones that one could take to reach out for the dream of participating in the World Cyber Games tournament.

What do you say, people, a DotA club? Interact with seniors and juniors, tests of skills, chill out playing with people who don't leave games -_-

We can also go out for LAN parties every now and then too, instead of hiding behind computer screens all the time.

Any comments or suggestions? please leave it under this post. Try not to use the tagboard, cuz i don't want it to flood -_-

Renewal.

Hi guys,



It's been a while since i blogged properly.



But anyway, i'm gonna change the entire blog for good.. this one is beyond repair already..







You know something about honesty?



it's one of the hardest things to express vividly. Whether you need to or not.



It's either people cannot take the truth, unwilling to face it, or fear the consequences of it all.



Living in a life of cover-ups, lies and fake emotions.



I wasn't like this before, not until i started to deny the true conditions of my heart.



it just got worse, out of hand totally, and when you've lost it all it's already too late to apologize.







but it's all alright now.. i hope..

letting time heal the hurts, wounds and broken hearts.

i'm sorry, for those in whom i've hurt, those in whom i love and cherish the most.

the road to be a better man is not easy, but i'm not giving up.

life hasn't changed;

my spoilt sister rots worse to the core each day,

assignments and school stuff overrun me so quickly that i'm not sure if i can catch up.

i seriously do not know how to describe this lifestyle of mine.. but if i were to take a video of my everyday life, i'm hardly with somebody.

i can ask, and keep asking, but i figure that i'll end up as a pest.

quite screwed up.



i'm different. my life's different. thus how i live my life, has got to be different too? apart and separate from the norms of others?

so much more to say, but i'll just stop here for the time being.

i need to learn how to speak directly. =)

take care all.

* Nice to see you again Sheeny! Sorry, wasn't feeling very good the other saturday.. Cya Soon!

Close.