The Fight.

one thing that has been bothering me for so long, discreetly forgotten, buried by other worries, resurfaced as Pris and i chatted today.

my debts are not cleared yet. a truth talk with my mum revealed an estimated outstanding of SGD 10,000 credit, owing my aunt. thank God that she was willing to lend us that some of money many years back; we could have been easily consumed by the bank as victims of killer interest rates.

the other depressing news is that my biological father has not brought in any contributions to our household for 6 whole months. this ain't new to me, but this occuring since half a year ago is.

reality just hits me hard on the head that my own expenses are already minor, and it's nothing compared to the mountain that is ahead of me.

i don't care if he's gonna help or not. he may be my father in blood, but he ain't one in truth, in reality, in my life. he doesn't even remember when i was born, with special thanks to my maid who reminded me.

it's alright. he's already irresponsible from the beginning. i'm used to it.

but the mutation of what i am now is the cause of one man's mistake. this flaw, this lack, somehow creeps deeper, becomes stealthily irreversible as i grew.

whatever i have become i'm not sure, but i'm not blaming anybody. in this unjust world, there is never a balance of human love, a love that is somewhat limited yet essential.

don't wanna go too deep into this. sensitive topic you know, love.

scouring for odd jobs that can be done at home for maximum efficiency.

i can't stand my mum's nagging of pushing me back to work, even though i'm taking a break for exams.

given a choice of course i won't want to work. the thing is i don't. not going any further into it.

please, let me know if you have any deals as such.

yes, i feel as though i'm going crazy. weird thoughts, weird words.

God. let me fulfill this duty that is due to the best of my ability. even if it takes my life, till the day that i die.